You all are in for a treat today because my brilliant, compassionate, and wise little sister, Amanda Opelt, has contributed a guest post about generational poverty in America that is both powerful and practical. The post materialized after a long phone conversation between us in the wake of my controversial post about Dave Ramsey and poverty, at which point I realized my sister knew way more about this topic than I did. 

Amanda has spent most of her adult life working in the non-profit sector—first in India, then in inner-city Nashville, and now in Boone, North Carolina as a field support coordinator for Samaritan’s Purse. But more than that, Amanda embodies more than anyone I know the principle of loving one’s neighbor. No matter where she finds herself, she is present and loving to the people around her, whether it’s an orphan suffering from TB in a slum in Hyderabad, India, or an elderly neighbor down the street from her home in Boone. When it comes to following Jesus, she’s the real deal. She's faithful in the little things. 

I hope you learn as much for this post as I did! 

***

Immediately after college, I packed my bags and moved to India because at age 22 I thought I "had a heart" for the poor.  

I figured India was probably a pretty good place to find poor people, and I was right.  The poverty in that foreign land is pervasive, and in a country where corruption and ideological biases cultivate very little opportunity for upward mobility, it's not hard to see the orphans, beggars, and leprosy patients around you as one-dimensional victims of the sinful systems around them.  It is a fair assessment in some ways, and I must say, loving the people of India came easy. Though their stories were gut-wrenching, my heart felt no complication in its compulsion to serve them.

But after 6 months, I realized that my educational emphasis in philosophy made the relief and development work to which I aspired demanding on my skill sets.  I packed my bags again and came home to my moderately privileged lifestyle the US, confused about my calling and certain I was destined to live a life languishing apathetically in my middle-class routine

A job search led me to a position as a ministry-based social worker for an organization that provided job skills, mentoring, childcare and Bible study for low income women in the inner city of Nashville.  

I'll admit I was skeptical at first.  I didn't know the first thing about urban poverty. Like many Americans, I felt a certain sense of indifference towards poor in America, and there was maybe, buried deep in my subconscious, even a mild contempt.  I had this sneaking suspicion that the poor in my own country couldn't possibly be like the poor I had encountered in India.  This was the birthplace of the American Dream, a place where anyone who had a will to try and a strong work ethic could improve his or her lot in life.  

Someone once told me that animal shelters have an easier time fundraising than homeless shelters, and sadly, I’m not surprised.  Animals aren't too complicated, and they are one-dimensional in their in-culpability.  There is a more complex emotional reaction to the homeless in America.  There is the compulsion to wonder, "why can't they just get a job?!"  When one is born in the Land of Opportunity, it is easy to assume that the birthright of every American is to have and equal opportunity and a decent shot at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  

What is opportunity?  What does it mean to be poor?  

Most middle class Americans are familiar with circumstantial poverty—one bad investment or the loss of a job leads to a period of financial difficulty.  What I learned in the inner city is that to be caught in the cycle of generational poverty is to experience a bankruptcy of spirit, a deficit of hope.  It is poverty of education, community, safety, health, and spiritual guidance. 

I met a woman whose first memories were of being locked up in a closet while her mother, a prostitute, "entertained" her guests. I met a woman who, as a little girl, watched a cross burn in her front yard and endured teachers at her new school shouting racial slurs at her because the community around her was angry about integration.  I cried with women who remember in excruciatingly vivid detail, sexual and physical abuse suffered at the hands of relatives and friends, abuse that would go on for years unstopped. These were children, many with developmental and learning disabilities due to instability during their earliest years, that were pushed through failing schools with burned out teachers and deteriorating textbooks and facilities.  

Abuse, racism, corruption; we all experience these hardships to a varying degree.  But for the low-income women I worked with, their lives were a perpetual house of cards.  They had no resources, no safety nets to keep them from going under.  One step forward, two steps back.  A broken down car means you can't get to work, and missing even one day of work means you can’t make rent that month.  A sick child means you can get fired from a job that keeps you at "part time" status because they don't want to pay you for sick days and holidays.  Finally getting out of the welfare system means losing any childcare assistance, and childcare costs often break the bank.  I knew a woman who wouldn't break up with her abusive boyfriend because he was her only ride to work.  I'm not saying there is no such thing as bad decisions, but we all make bad decisions and only some of us have to face the full force of their consequences.                                                                                                                   
When we hear the term “safety net,” most of us think of social safety nets like food stamps or medicaid.  When I think of safety nets in my own life, I think of parents who were willing to pitch in a bit to help me pay rent my first month in my own place.  I think of a successful elementary school and several teachers who really cared and invested some extra time to make sure I didn't fail algebra.  I think of a safe and secure community where I could run and play outside.  I think of a caring doctor who helped when I was going through a difficult mental and physical health challenge (and health insurance that enabled me to pay him).

                                                                                                               
This month marks the 50th anniversary of President Johnson's Declaration of the War on Poverty.  While we have come a long way since Johnson made that historic speech, in 2011, the U.S Bureau of Labor conducted a study and found that 46.2 million Americans (roughly 15% of the population) lived at or below the poverty line. Many of those individuals are children (Poverty defined is a family of four making $23,021).   And for anyone who ever wondered "why can't they just get a job?" you'll be interested to know that 10.4 million of these Americans are considered the working poor.  In fact, the working poor made up 7 % of the work force in the US.  Most of these were workers stuck in part time jobs, and women were more likely to be among the working poor, as were blacks and Hispanics (www.bls.gov).

 I did the math and found that someone working full time at the current minimum wage (assuming they had paid sick days) would only make $15,080 a year.  This was the painful reality of so many of my students in the inner city of Nashville.  Bottom line: it's just not as simple as "stop being lazy" or "just get a job."                                                                        

I wish I could provide some clear-cut resolution, a silver bullet solution that churches across America could implement to serve the needy. A few women I really respect have showed me that the only way to cultivate effective change in the lives of those in need is to become, yourself, a sort of safety net for them. The resource, the friend, the positive voice, the math tutor, the spiritual mentor they never had. It's complicated, and it can be messy. But Jesus never seemed to mind a mess, and no one he ever healed or scolded or cried for or embraced had a simple story. 

The complexity of the need of the human heart is something only God can know.  But perhaps the first step is to begin the process of tweaking your understanding, to realize that the playing field is not always level and not everyone was born with bootstraps.  Before you judge the circumstances of those around you, consider the humbling reality of a sovereign God who "sends poverty and wealth; He humbles and He exalts. He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor" (1 Samuel 2:7-8). 

***

To learn more about the organization Amanda served in Nashville, check out the Christian Women’s Job Corps of Middle Tennessee. CWJC empowers individuals to break harmful cycles caused by poverty by providing education, mentoring and resources. Their vision is “to create a community where all individuals can experience transformation of body, mind, heart, and spirit.” 

Oh, and for fun, here's a picture of the Held sisters circa 1988:

In my relentless pursuit of scaring off as many readers as possible this year, I’m blogging today about contraception.

I try not to put too much pressure on myself to speak up as the token “Christian feminist” on issues like these, but after reading multiple blog posts and articles this week from Christian men about women and contraception, I decided to add my two cents as a pro-life woman of faith who supports affordable access to birth control for women.  Just to offer another perspective. 

(This is obviously an issue in which people of strong faith disagree, so let’s treat one another with respect as we engage, shall we?) 

The topic has been in the news lately for a lot of reasons—from the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade last week, to Hobby Lobby’s challenge of the HHS mandate last year. Mike Huckabee made the news days ago for tackling the topic in a speech to the Republican Nation Committee, where he suggested that women who expect health insurance to cover birth control pills as it would any other prescription believe the Democrat-manufactured lie that they are “helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription each month for birth control because they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of government.”

His comments may strike some as too outrageous to engage, but I think they reflect widely-held (thought not typically as crudely-stated) sentiments regarding birth control, sentiments I’ve seen expressed more and more often by fellow Christians in recent years. And I think they reflect a problem of privilege that plagues conversations around contraception, infusing them with misinformation and unhelpful assumptions. 

Birth control should be an important topic to those of us who consider ourselves pro-life becausethe most effective way to curb the abortion rate in this country is to make birth control more affordable and accessible.  

Abortions happen because of unwanted pregnancies, and often, unwanted pregnancies happen because of lack of contraception. Most women who choose to have abortions do so because they feel they cannot manage the financial burden of carrying out the pregnancy and raising another child. So understanding the economic and health concerns of women of childbearing age is critical to actually affecting change when it comes to abortion instead of just talking about it. 

….Which brings me to the first problem of privilege around the contraception conversation: economic privilege. 

Economic Privilege 

The most effective forms of birth control are also the most expensive, which is why a lot of families welcomed the Affordable Care Act’s requirement that private health insurance plans begin to provide birth control without co-pays or deductibles. 

But Huckabee and those who oppose this measure argue that unlike other prescriptions, prescriptions for birth control are luxuries that women should be able to pay for on their own, without help from their insurance companies. 

But birth control costs an average of $600-$1,000 a year—and sometimes quite a bit more, depending on the type. Now, $1,000 a year might not be much for someone like Mike Huckabee, but for a lot of families in this economy, working minimum-wage jobs that barely cover the rent, it’s a steep enough price to sometimes put them in the position of having to choose between paying for contraception and paying the water bill. 

And a woman who cannot afford birth control is more likely to consider herself unable to afford a pregnancy, which makes terminating that pregnancy seem like the best, most affordable option. And the cycle continues. 

So those who oppose coverage of birth control based on their religious or pro-life convictions must take into consideration the fact that lack of coverage may actually lead to more abortions. And we must remember that shrugging off birth control as something people should be able to easily pay for on their own betrays some of our own economic privilege in this conversation. 

(For an interesting global perspective on contraception, be sure to check out Rachel Marie Stone’s post on the topic, where she cites this powerful statistic from USAID:  “Family planning could prevent up to 30 percent of the more than 287,000 maternal deaths that occur every year, by enabling women to delay their first pregnancy and space later pregnancies at the safest intervals. If all babies were born three years apart, the lives of 1.6 million children under the age of five would be saved each year.”) 

Male Privilege 

I realize that phrase makes the hair stand up on some people’s arms. But bear with me for a moment. 

When male politicians or pastors speak about women and contraception, they sometimes make generalizations that reflect a lack of experience. 

For example, it is wrong to assume that the only reason a woman would be on the pill is because she has an "out-of-control libido" (what does that even mean?) or because she wants to sleep around without consequence.  The fact is, married women are much more likely to be on the pill than unmarried women, and most say they are simply trying to space out their pregnancies or wait until they are more financially stable to start a family. 

Furthermore, a man cannot possibly understand what it is like to suffer from endometriosis—an incredibly painful chronic condition that affects more than five million women in the U.S. and in some cases can be treated with birth control pills. (To learn more about this condition, check out R.A. Sovilla’s candid and informative guest post on the topic.) 

A man cannot know what it is like to experience debilitating menstrual cramps once a month, or to be told by a doctor that, because of some other health condition, pregnancy is inadvisable—other common reasons women are prescribed oral contraception.  He cannot fully understand what giving birth does to the body and why spacing out children may be so important to a mother. 

Men don’t know what it means to be raped and to face the prospect of pregnancy as a result, a situation in which the morning after pill can prevent a pregnancy without causing an abortion.  And while this is thankfully changing, the fact remains that women are the most likely to be forced out of work because of pregnancy, and to carry the heaviest load (literally!) in balancing work and family, so it is hard for men to fully comprehend what pregnancy means to a woman. 

I would never go so far as to say that men should be forbidden from discussing contraception simply because they are men. But I think that if more women were given the opportunity to weigh in, the discussion would at least be a bit more nuanced and informed. (I have a feeling we’d hear a lot less about “Uncle Sugar,” “legitimate rape,” and these mysterious female powers that can “shut that whole thing down” if necessary.)   

Most women in the U.S. have used a form of oral contraception at some point in their lives. It might be worth asking them why. 

Misinformation About The Pill  

Finally, a note about misinformation regarding birth control and abortion. 

When I first got married, I never heard a word from my evangelical community against birth control pills. Not a word. It was just assumed that oral contraception was an acceptable form of family planning and in no way related to abortion. But about five years into my marriage, I started hearing rumors from other women, which they had heard from pastors and pro-life organizations, about how birth control pills cause abortions.  I talked with more and more friends who were convinced oral contraception was immoral.  Many of them stopped using birth control altogether. But these rumors were based on misinformation. 

With most oral contraception, a woman takes a daily pill, usually a combination of estrogen and progestin. The hormones prevent ovulation and thicken a woman’s cervical mucus, blocking sperm from fertilizing an egg.  (Of course, hypothetically, there’s the very remote chance that fertilization will somehow manage to occur. In this case the zygote will probably fail to implant on the uterine wall. But, as Libby Anne points out here, this happens naturally in women who are not on the pill far more often than it happens to women who are on the pill.) 

Another popular rumor is that the so-called “morning after pill,” or Plan B, causes abortion. Christianity Today recently refuted this argument, citing multiple scientific studies that confirm Plan B does not inhibit implantation but instead blocks fertilization. 

(Rabbit trail: The fact that a woman’s body naturally rejects hundreds of fertilized eggs in her lifetime raises some questions in my mind about where we draw the line regarding the personhood of a zygote. Do we count all those “natural abortions” as deaths? Did those zygotes have souls? Will I meet them in heaven? Honestly, the more I learn about the reproductive system, the harder it becomes for me to adamantly insist that I know for sure the exact moment when life begins. And it’s even harder for me to insist that everyone else agree.)

As we discuss contraception, Christians especially must be committed to telling the truth and getting our facts straight, or else we risk losing credibility in the conversation and leading the faithful astray. 

Conclusion

In conclusion, let’s talk about contraception. But let’s talk about it accurately and with our privilege in check. Let’s avoid making generalizations about the millions of women and families who say they would benefit from affordable, accessible contraception. And when we are blessed with a podium or pulpit, let’s speak about our fellow human beings with love and care and without sloppy attempts to speak for them. 

….Oh, and let’s agree to never, EVER use the phrase “Uncle Sugar” again. 

I've recently updated my schedule for Winter/Spring 2014.  I'll update the schedule as more details come in. Let me know if I'll see you at any of these events!

Monday, February 3, 2014 - Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Midwinter Lecture Series at Austin Theological Seminary
Austin, TX
2 Lectures, Q&A
More info (MidWinter Lecture Series)

Thursday, February 6, 2014 - Friday, February 7, 2014
Greenville College
Greenville, IL
Vespers 9:30pm Thursday; Chapel 9:30am Friday
More info (www.greenville.edu)

Monday, February 17, 2014 
Wright Lecture Series at Morningside College
Sioux City, IA
Evening Lecture 7:00pm
More info (www.morningside.edu)

Friday, February 21, 2014 - Saturday, February 22, 2014
Lake Junaluska Conference & Retreat Center
Lake Junaluska, NC
Signature Series 10:00am to 3:00pm
More info (http://www.lakejunaluska.com/signature-series/)

Monday, February 24, 2014 
Buechner Institute at King College
Bristol, TN
2 Keynote Presentations
More info (http://buechnerinstitute.org/)

Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Hardin Simmons University
Abilene, TX
Chapel, Q&A
More info (www.hsutx.edu)

Friday, March 7, 2014
C3 Conference
St George’s Episcopal Church
Nashville, TN
More info (http://www.stgeorgesinstitute.org/C3)

Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Sienna Heights University
Adrian, MI
2 classes; 90 minute lecture
More info (www.siennaheights.edu)

Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Eastern Mennonite University
Harrisonburg, VA
Chapel; Q&A
More info (www.emu.edu)

Wednesday, March 26, 2014 - Thursday, March 27, 2014
Wingate College
Wingate, NC
More info (www.wingate.edu)

Friday, March 28, 2014
South Main Baptist
Houston, TX
Presentation; Q&A
More info (www.smbc.org)

Friday April 4, 2014
Change the World Conference
Ginghamsburg Church
Tipp City, OH
2 keynotes; book signing; Q&A
More info (www.ginhamsburg.org)

Thursday, April 10, 2014 - Saturday, April 12, 2014
Calvin College Festival of Faith and Writing
Grand Rapids, MI
2 keynotes; Q&A
More info (http://festival.calvin.edu/)

Wednesday, April 23 - Friday, April 25, 2014
Q Conference Nashville

Saturday, April 26, 2014 - Sunday, April 27, 2014
Seattle First Baptist Church
Seattle, WA
Lecture; Q&A; Sunday morning service
More info (www.seattlefirstbaptist.org)

Thursday, May 8, 2014 
Hope College
Holland, MI
More info (www.hope.edu)

To book Rachel at your next event, contact: 

Jim Chaffee
Chaffee Management
Phone: (615) 300.9699

This sermon from our friend Greg Boyd at Woodland Hills Church is a really nice, succinct articulation of mutual submission in marriage. (Something to share next time your friends push a John Piper sermon on "headship" on you.)

:-) 

Happy weekend! 

(P.S. If you're interested in this topic, be sure to check out Mutuality Series, in which we cover everything from women in church leadership, to mutual submission in marriage, to gender roles.) 

Best Video:

Tripp & Tyler with “A Conference Call in Real Life” 

Best Photo Series:
National Flags Made From Each Country’s Traditional Foods 

Best Sports Piece: 
Carrie Brownstein with “Do They Know It’s Super Bowl Sunday in Portland?"

“….A co-worker won’t watch the game because she doesn’t own a TV. The fact that she doesn’t own a TV (Guys, she doesn’t own a TV) is one of the first things you learned about her. You once asked, ‘But you know what a TV is, right?’” 

[Portlandia fans will be happy to know that the women of Women & Women First will be live tweeting the Super Bowl.]

Best Question: 
Sarah Bessey with “Should an egalitarian attend a complementarian church?” 

Best Sermons: 
Greg Boyd and Woodland Hills Church with “Who’s The Boss?”
Ed Gungor at Renovatus Church “Storms and Butterflies” 
Jill Howard with "Holy Water"

Best Reporting: 
Rebecca Burns at Politico with “The Day We Lost Atlanta” 
 

“What happened in Atlanta this week is not a matter of Southerners blindsided by unpredictable weather. More than any event I’ve witnessed in two decades of living in and writing about this city, this snowstorm underscores the horrible history of suburban sprawl in the United States and the bad political decisions that drive it. It tells us something not just about what’s wrong with one city in America today but what can happen when disaster strikes many places across the country. As with famines in foreign lands, it’s important to understand: It’s not an act of nature or God—this fiasco is manmade from start to finish. But to truly get what’s wrong with Atlanta today, you have to look at these four factors, decades in the making.”
 

Best Reflection: 
Amber Haines with “Through the Narrow Gate” 
 

“What I’m writing here today, friends, is to suggest that maybe we do agree after all. Maybe there’s more unity than we would like to think, no matter how meanly we like to treat one another. The narrow way isn’t straight, referring to sexual preference. It isn’t male. It isn’t egalitarian. It isn’t American. The way isn’t narrow because only people who attend this church or that can go through. The way isn’t narrow because people who don’t drink caffeine or alcohol can enter. Will I not enter because I have cut my hair? Will all the good men with ponytails be cast out? Couldn’t Jesus have had a ponytail? The way is narrow, because the way is Christ, and the way is for all who follow Him in Spirit and Truth. Jesus is the Way, the truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Him, and not Him plus anything else. We wouldn’t want this any other way. Take a look at Him. He is light and life.  Take a long look and hear what He says. The narrow path is where we eat of Him; He is our very water, our shepherd, the branch. Jesus woos us into completeness in Himself. If we believe that we are being saved into the church, then we are off base, trying to walk in the wrong doorway. We are complete in Him, and when we are in Him, we are the church and we are One.”
 

Best Writing:
John Blase with “Final Request” 

“Dear future funeral director,
When I die please do not place
my hands one over the other…”

Wisest: 
Richard Beck with “Social Media as Sacrament" 
[The comment section is also definitely worth a read]

“So I'm wondering, as I'm learning with issues like poverty, if we might learn to Tweet and blog sacramentally. The goal isn't to argue, debate, call out or "win." Because that game, as best I can tell, isn't winable. Minds don't change on social media. I've never seen it. The goal is to use social media sacramentally. To be a sign, a sign of life and grace.” 

Bravest: 
Halee Gray Scott at Christianity Today with “How I Beat Back Darkness After Rape” 

“We sometimes think that the choice of life and death is at the beginning of our walk with God, but this isn't so. The task of the Christian life is to keep choosing life, over and over. There were times when the way of the grave seemed preferable to the harsh light of truth, times when the darkness, like a tempest, threatened to engulf me. But I wanted to live, so I kept choosing life, sometimes daily. Again, in Ezekiel 16, God said, ‘Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, 'Live!'" So I did.’” 

Truest: 
Nadia Bolz-Weber with “Meaningless Church Jargon”

“IDEA: Let’s just tell the truth.  Doing otherwise hurts other people and makes us look like assholes. Related IDEA: Let’s have churches where it’s ok to say you don’t want to do something and where it is ok to just have an idea be your idea and not something co-signed on by the Almighty.”

Most Insightful: 
Christena Cleveland with “’They’ Are All the Same” 

“We categorize people so quickly and effortlessly that it seems like second nature. When it comes to conserving time and energy, categorizing is very helpful. It helps us quickly and effortlessly organize our social worlds. However, categorizing people can lead to some pretty serious consequences, one of which is what social psychologists call the outgroup homogeneity effect. We tend to view other cultural groups as homogenous. They are all the same. On the other hand, we tend to view our cultural group as heterogenous. We are all unique. Without even knowing it, the outgroup homogeneity effect can influence our perceptions of diverse people and prevent us from leaving our homogenous cliques. This happens all the time in church settings.” 

Most Provocative: 
Zack Hunt with “If You’re Defending Absolute Truth, You’re Defending the Wrong Thing”

“The gospel isn’t about absolute truth. It’s about absolute love.” 

Most Fascinating: 
Sonia Smith at Texas Monthly with “Sinners in the Hands: When is a Church a Cult?” 

“A couple of months later, on July 2, Catherine gave all her belongings to Goodwill and disappeared without a word. Her parents had no clue where she had gone. On July 7, their phone rang, just after eleven-thirty at night. “I’m in Wells, Texas, with a group of people who are taking good care of me,” Catherine said. ‘But I can’t listen to you anymore, I can only listen to my elders. I have to keep my hands over my ears. You’re going to see a lot of bad stuff on the Internet about them, but none of it is true.’"

Most Empowering:
 Dawn Cherie Araujo with “The Big Chop: A Theology of Natural Hair” 

“Paulletha Bruce, pastor of Freedom Baptist Church of Greenville in Greenville, S.C., big chopped five years ago when her hair became resistant to relaxers. Although her decision was based solely on personal preference, she said it makes sense that when a woman learns to embrace her natural hair texture, she also learns to embrace herself as a creation in the image of God. “The more you meet God, the more you meet yourself,” she said by phone,  ‘And I think that the deeper your relationship with God, the more you begin to discover the love for yourself that’s always been there but has been tainted by the cares of this world.’” 

Most Prophetic: 
Walter Brueggemann with “An Alternative Way”(Work of the People) 
 

Most Compelling: 
RJS at Jesus Creed with “That Women Question”

From N.T. Wright (in an interview with Justin Brierley): “Why is it in certain bits of our culture that people take that little verse from1 Timothy 2 so seriously and they ignore large chunks of what is going on in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John? And this is really very serious as a critique of bits of our contemporary  Christian culture. Why are we so fixated and nervous about this? When I talk about this issue I always start with John 20. This is not an accident that when Jesus is raised from the dead the first person who is commissioned to tell other people that he’s alive, that he’s the Lord, that he’s ascending to the Father, is Mary Magdalene. That, you know, John does nothing by accident. Jesus did nothing by accident for goodness sake. That’s the beginning of the announcement of the Christian gospel and it is given to Mary Magdalene. From that point, this is part of new creation. Everything’s different now guys. And what Paul is doing is navigating within a very interesting bit of pagan culture how that works and doesn’t work. “I don’t mean that the women should take over, and I don’t mean that the women should boss everyone else around. They must be given leisure to study, its not an either or, we’ve got to do this together.”
 

Most Likely To Make You Cheer: 
Glennon Melton with “Share this with all the schools, please” 

“You see, Chase’s teacher is not looking for a new seating chart or “exceptional citizens.” Chase’s teacher is looking for lonely children. She’s looking for children who are struggling to connect with other children. She’s identifying the little ones who are falling through the cracks of the class’s social life. She is discovering whose gifts are going unnoticed by their peers. And she’s pinning down- right away- who’s being bullied and who is doing the bullying” 

Most Likely To Change Your First Impression:
Richard Sherman with “10 Things I Learned After America Learned About Me”

Most Relatable:
Nate Pyle with “When Having an Opinion is a Weary Endeavor” 

“Rather than sharing thoughts, people are silenced by the fear of being shunned. Rather than dialoguing with those who think differently, we lob verbal bombs across party lines. We entrench ourselves in ideology and tribes and hyperbole to find protection from the dysfunction of society. But our regression behind these false barriers are only furthering the inability of individuals and society to dialogue towards real solutions.” 

Most Vulnerable: 
Elizabeth Esther at Deeper Story with “How I Left Church and Found God in Rehab”

“This is what I know: I can’t save the world from fundamentalism, but I can save myself. There are things I cannot change, but I ask God for the courage to help me change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Most Honest: 
Lisa McKay with “A Note from the Messy Middle”

“We’re thrashing around in the middle of this story right now. Even though it only started just over three weeks ago, I can hardly remember that part anymore. The ending is still a long way off. And in the messy, map-less middle of this ugly story, all I’m pretty much capable of right now is an unfiltered brain dump.”

Most Practical: 
Chad Folwer at Life Hacker with “Why Empathy is Your Most Important Skill and How to Practice It”

“Try practicing (internally) taking the opposing view point. Don't go with your default reaction immediately. Start on the other side and work your way back.” 

Best Use of a Joe Biden GIF
Ev’ry Day I’m Pastorin’ with “The Associate Pastor…”
 

Best Point: 
Peter Enns with “Bill Nye vs. Ken Ham: Giving Credibility to Nonsense…” 

“If Nye wants to debate, he’s got a week to study theology and hermeneutics so he can address Ham’s unexamined and faulty premises that allow him to handle science as he does.”

This week's travels....

This week I'm headed to Austin, Texas to speak at the Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary MidWinter Lecture Series. I'll be sharing about my "Year of Biblical Womanhood" on Tuesday at 1:30 p.m. and about cultivating spaces of wilderness on Wednesday at 10 a.m. 

Then I'm off to Greenville College in Greenville, IL, where I'll be sharing about my faith and doubt in convocation on Thursday night at 9:30 p.m. and about my "Year of Biblical Womanhood" at Friday chapel at 9:30 a.m. 

Maybe I'll see you there! 

***

So, what caught your eye online this week? What's happening on your blog? 

Today I am thrilled to introduce you to Stacey Chomiak. Stacey an animation artist from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, but she also has a passion for dialog about the LGBT Christian community. She currently lives in beautiful Maple Ridge, British Columbia with her wife Tammy, a Graphic Designer, and their two cats, For examples of her art and writings, visit http://staceychomiak.wordpress.com/. 

I met Stacey at the Gay Christian Network conference in Chicago, where she shared this beautiful testimony in front of the whole group. I hope you find it as encouraging as I did. 

***

Stacey (right) and Tams (left)

I grew up in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, baptized at the front of a very large Pentecostal church, days after being born. God and Jesus were always a huge part of my life.

My youth was full of Christian conventions, church summer camps and Friday night youth groups. I always thought they were my family, and would love me no matter what,  because they told me that’s what God did. I loved every aspect of growing up in the church…

Until I realized I may be gay.

From the age of 17 to 29, I endured extreme hurt, neglect, shame, loneliness and guilt from my church family. Sadly not an uncommon story, what had been my refuge since birth became a dark place that made me question everything and hate myself and my futile prayers. They made me believe I had to choose:  embrace God, or be damned and embrace this capital Sin.

In 2010, after many years of doing my best to pray the gay away, I spent an intense week of crying out to God at the end of my rope. I told Him I loved Him so much, and was going to walk toward Him— with my girlfriend of seven years Tammy (Tams) by my side. Hours later, I felt a peace that can only come from Him, settling gently into the depths of my soul. The peace resonated from knowing that He had knit me together in my mother’s womb—all of me—and He loved me unconditionally. I prayed that He would soften my heart toward the people who had hurt me most: Christians. 

He told me that day, and every day since, to just be authentic. Live authentically, and love authentically, as He would. Maybe this could change the world.

But never did I think I would actually find a church with Christians who truly understood how Jesus would love if He were here today. 

Tams and I moved to Vancouver, British Columbia in 2010, and knew we would have to begin the arduous search for a church that would accept us as a couple and not just “roommates”. We planned to get married in 2011, and took this position extremely seriously—to be an authentic example of a Christian lesbian couple. Good luck, future church!

In the following 11 months, we did our research. We visited many types of churches. We felt most comfortable with churches that put following Christ and His teaching first, but we knew those were going to be the churches least likely to be comfortable with us.

Many of our friends encouraged us to find an “affirming” church, regardless of denomination. But we couldn’t compromise. We trusted that God would lead us where He wanted us to go. 

So I did what any other 31-year-old gal in this day and age would do. I googled “evangelical churches in Vancouver”, and began emailing each one. We didn’t want to visit a bunch of churches if we knew up front they would have a very strong stance against “us”. We also wanted to say that when we find a church home, we want to serve and not just sit in the pews.

Most of the responses I did get were as expected, like this: 

“Firstly, ‘Church A’ is certainly a place where you and Tammy are most welcome. We love all people. Secondly, ‘Church A’ would not be a place where you or Tammy would be welcomed to join in any ministry team. We are committed to a sexual ethic founded on Scripture, and individuals whose lifestyles do not align, are not affirmed as leaders. Love in Christ - Pastor." 

It may just be me, but I didn’t feel Christ’s love in those emails. I began to flinch whenever a response popped into my inbox, getting more and more discouraged with our dwindling options of churches.

Then I got an email from a little church in North Vancouver called “The Cove.” Sean Graham, lead pastor from Cove sent a response that made my heart leap with hope.

“You and your wife are more than welcome at Cove. We take very seriously our commitment that everyone belongs. I can assure you that you are both welcome to serve in any capacity as you become a part of the community. You will never hear a message from me about the ills of gay marriage. With that said, we are a truly inclusive community and that means we have folks from every background and some may have personal issue with gay marriage, but it is not an issue for our leadership team.  Stumbling toward Christ with you, Sean” 

We responded back immediately and said we would come visit that Sunday. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope for Christians yet.

We didn’t expect how we would feel though, walking through the doors of Cove that first Sunday, September 25, 2011. We knew no one. We hadn’t even been to that part of BC before, and yet… we were home. The congregation was small, but they greeted us, looked into our eyes, and actually welcomed us. I waited for that familiar wave of judgment to wash over me, but it never came. 

We were immediately invited to join a small group, and soon met most of the people in the community. I had forgotten what it was like to be in a church and not be “that gay couple.” As opportunities came up to talk with people face to face, and the dreaded “we are married” or “my wife” fell out of my mouth, I felt… okay. I felt good, even! With each conversation, God was restoring me with hope and healing my wounds.  These people saw us as equals, even though we were the only gay people. We were no longer on a hierarchical system of sins with ours being the worst. We were all equal at the foot of the cross. As Sean always said: “stumbling towards Christ” together.

Soon Tams and I were helping out with worship, involved in a weekly small group, and teaching in the kids ministry. We fell in love with these beautiful souls, who I am sure didn’t always know how to deal with their own questions of where gay fits into things. But love was always first, and that was the difference.

The months went by, we developed many strong friendships, were challenged to grow in our faith, and give back to our community. We were just so incredibly thankful to have this authentic community of people surrounding us, just loving us for who we were—no conditions. This felt like what Jesus meant when He said in John 13:35: “This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.”

However, Cove was a church plant of a bigger denomination: The Christian & Missionary Alliance Church in Canada. I always knew this denomination was very conservative, but we felt like Cove was different. Cove was coming up on its 10 year anniversary, and like any small church, there were always financial difficulties. Being a church plant of the greater denomination gave Cove its charitable status, which allowed people a tax receipt upon giving, which is what kept Cove afloat.

We had heard that Cove was going to be inducting new members into their congregation, and Tams and I thought there would be no better time to make our home official. However, we didn’t consider what this could mean to the greater denomination. 

We sat down with Sean and shared with him our desire to become permanent members of Cove, and he did not hesitate. He of course wanted the same thing. But he did let us know that, technically, the Alliance denomination does not affirm same-sex couples, and would probably not be happy to know we help out in ministry at Cove, let alone want to become members. But he said we would go ahead anyway.

Sean knew of our history and was protective of our hearts. He understood the character of Jesus, and wanted to do what He would have done, even if that meant going against the denomination. Unbelievably to me, Sean also asked if I would share my story of struggling with my sexuality—at church. On the same Sunday that Tams and I became members.

So on Sunday, November 18, 2012, Sean gave me a gift greater than I can ever explain: an opportunity to stand up in church and reclaim the place I knew since birth as my home, a place where I felt safe and truly loved again. And to share my meandering journey of faith, and God’s steadfast love for me throughout.

A couple more months passed, and things continued as normal. But in February of 2013, we were told one of the people from the Alliance District Office was coming to speak to the congregation about some concerns they had. Within those concerns, one definitely stood out— the misunderstanding regarding homosexuality and what was and wasn’t acceptable.

There it was. We knew somewhere deep down it was coming. The spotlight had zeroed in on us once again. We had heard so many stories of our gay friends being kicked out of their churches, being asked to step down, or just being ignored so they feel they have no choice but to leave.

But Cove was different. We found out in the months that followed that these people really did love us, and weren’t about to kick us out, or not allow us to become members because it was against the "rules."

There were many meetings between the board of Cove and the district office of the Alliance, trying to figure out a way to work together. Obviously, we needed the charitable status from the Alliance to continue, but they could not condone Cove affirming sin. Thing is, Sean and everyone else said to us, it’s what Jesus would do. Just love.

Near the end of April 2013, Cove received a letter from the Alliance. Unfortunately, they could not find a way to make these differences work, and they would be removing Cove from the Alliance denomination and taking away its' charitable status in a few weeks, effectively shutting down Cove.

We were all shocked, with such little time to let such a huge message sink in. How could this happen? Was this our fault? Why does a church finally get it, and then get shut down? And Sean would lose his job.How is that fair?

The last few weeks of Cove were spent with many tears, questions, talking, praying, more tears, and sharing with each other. As much as no one wanted Cove to close, I think we all knew it was the start of something bigger: of people standing up for what Jesus would do, even if that means standing up against the church itself. 

On Sunday, May 26, 2013, Cove had its last gathering together. In a way, it felt like a funeral, but also a celebration. Sean had always challenged us to be a real church in our communities outside of these walls, and now was our chance. We shared one last time, took up a collection for Sean and his family, and we gathered in a huge circle to ask God to use this for His glory. My heart was so sad, and yet, so incredibly full.  

I had always thought to myself, “This place is too good to be true…” and maybe it was. But maybe it was also the start of a movement. A movement to embrace love over legalism, regardless of the cost. After all, isn’t that what Christ came to teach us? 

What an honor to have been a first-hand witness to that kind of love.

Yes, I do think that can change the world.

I’ve been busy hanging out with the lovely people of Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary, which means I missed most of tonight’s big debate between Bill Nye and Ken Ham. (Dan filled me in on some of what went down. I’m looking forward to watching it later.) 

Since I’ve been asked: I’m with Nye in that I don’t believe young earth creationism is a viable model of origins in today’s modern scientific era. I’m also a Christian who loves the Bible and believes it to be inspired by God and authoritative in the Christian life. My view is that Genesis 1, having emerged from an ancient Near Eastern context, assumes an ancient Near Eastern cosmology and addresses theological concerns, not scientific ones. (For more on this, I highly recommend John Walton’s The Lost World of Genesis One.) 

And I believe that church leaders who teach that Christians have to choose between the Bible and science, faith and reason, are doing a huge disservice to the Church, essentially setting believers up for failure. That teaching wreaked havoc on my young faith, as I write about in Evolving in Monkey Town, and in several of the posts below. 

So since it’s a hot topic, and I’ve been getting a bunch of tweets about it, I figured I’d just link to some old posts and share some of my favorite book recommendations before we find time to talk about it sometime next week: 

Blog Posts

“Ask an Evolutionary Creationist” 

For The Washington Post: “When Atheists and Baptists Agree”

“What Happened When I Tried to Love God with My Mind”

“A Response to Ken Ham: Let’s Make Peace” 

“Review of ‘The Evolution of Adam’ by Peter Enns” 

You might also be interested in a series of posts from 2012 about the Bible and learning to love it for what it is, not what we want it to be. 

Also, be sure to check out BioLogos.org.

Book Recommendations:  

Evolving in Monkey Town by yours truly 

The Lost World of Genesis One by John Walton 

The Language of God by Francis Collins 

The Evolution of Adam by Peter Enns 

Coming to Peace With Science by Darrel Falk

Saving Darwin by Karl Giberson 

So, who caught the debate? What were your thoughts? 

Every evangelical woman knows what it’s like to get the Titus 2 Treatment. 

This happens whenever a woman is presented with a universal statement about the “biblical” role of women in the world, which is typically extrapolated from a single biblical text without regard to literary or historical context and followed by a parenthetical string of additional unrelated and out-of-context Bible verses for support. 

For example, in an article that characterizes a man who takes responsibility for the laundry as a “man fail,” Owen Strachan of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood writes: 

“The curse bore down upon Eve’s primary activity, childbearing, showing that her intended sphere of labor and dominion-taking was the home (Genesis 3:16).  This is true of the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 as well, who though something of a whirling dervish of godly femininity was not, like her husband, by the city gates with the elders (Proverbs 31:23), but working tirelessly to bless her family and manage her home for God’s glory.” 

Classic. Root feminine identity in the curse rather than the redemptive work of Christ and then make the argument that because the ancient Near Eastern woman of Proverbs 31 is not described as consulting with the elders, then all women everywhere for all of time are restricted to the realm of the home and therefore responsible for the laundry. 

I call this the “Titus 2 Treatment” because Titus 2:5 is one of the most commonly abused passages in this regard.  It’s a verse in which women are instructed to be “busy in home,” (as opposed to being idle in home, not, as some claim, as opposed to working outside of the home) and I’ve seen it cited in support of all sorts of statements about how domestic duties such as washing the dishes or doing the laundry fall exclusively to women and how mothers who have careers outside of the home are shirking their God-ordained roles.

So I thought it might be fun to give guys a sense of what it’s like to get the Titus 2 treatment with this little piece. (Don’t take it too seriously): 

The Crisis of Biblical Masculinity in the Church 
By Roberta Heard Ellis

It has come to my attention that we are facing a crisis of biblical masculinity in the Church today. An increasing number of men are neglecting the roles God clearly outlined for them in Scripture (Genesis 3:19, 1 Thessalonians 5:26, 1 Timothy 2:8) in favor of blatant cultural capitulation.  I’d like to focus on three biblical principles that many modern men, out of total disregard for Scripture, continue to ignore: sweating, kissing, and hand-raising. 

1.  Sweating: 

Take a look around our culture and you will see millions of men who earn a living by working in climate controlled office buildings. Such work may be mentally strenuous, but far too often, it can be accomplished without even breaking a sweat. 

The curse of Genesis 3 clearly describes man’s primary activity as difficult physical labor. “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground,” God declares in Genesis 3:19. 

David, who is described as a “man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22) was a shepherd (1 Samuel 16:11), who clubbed wild animals to death (1 Samuel 17:35-25). He was also a warrior (1 Samuel 18:27) and a king (2 Samuel 12:30). 

The men of Scripture—Abraham, Isaac, Sampson, Daniel, Jesus, Peter, Paul—are men of action whose occupations centered around physical labor like farming, shepherding, carpentry, tent-making, and fighting animals with their bare hands. (Note: any exceptions to this trend should be immediately discounted as irrelevant anomalies.)  Nowhere in Scripture is a man of God described as sitting at a desk in an office building from nine to five.  Nowhere. 

So men who wish to honor God with their lives and humbly submit to His will should make physical labor their primary occupation, and resist the urge to give in to our culture’s glorification of “white collar” work, which is a departure from biblical principles of masculinity. 

Now, some men will say they find office work more stimulating and rewarding than manual labor, or that it provides more financial security in their particular situation, but these men are more interested in pursuing selfish ambitions and wealth than submitting themselves to the Word of God. Our culture’s rampant obesity epidemic among men can be clearly traced to this departure from God’s perfect design. And it threatens to undo our whole society, negatively affecting our children and generations to come. 

2.  Kissing 

It may surprise many men to learn that one of the most common instructions found in New Testament Scripture is for Christians to “greet one another with holy kiss” (Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 11 Corinthians 13:12, 1 Thessalonians 5:26, 1 Peter 5:14). In 1 Thessalonians 5:26, Paul specifically instructs men to do this. 

Yet despite the fact that this is one of the most repeated directives of Scripture, one is hard-pressed to find men kissing one another on the cheeck in churches today.  This is because those who do not take the Bible seriously claim these clear teachings of Scripture have a “cultural” component. 

But let us not forget that God’s word does not change or pass away (Malachi 3:6, Mark 13:31) and also that studying the Greco-Roman cultural context of the New Testament is kind of a pain. We are therefore obligated to take God at his word, whether these instructions make sense in our culture or not. 

3.  Hand-Raising  

I Timothy 2 stipulates the responsibilities of men and women in worship. 

Thankfully, 1 Timothy 2:12—“I do not permit a woman to assume authority over a man”—continues to be rigidly applied in many churches today without regard to its original context or intended audience. However, the instructions 1 Timothy 2:8—“I want men EVERYWHERE to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing” (emphasis mine) is taken as a sort of suggestion that need not be directly enforced in the modern church. 

Often I have been to churches where women are properly silenced, but men do not even bother to lift their hands during prayer! Furthermore, some of these men are known to engage in public disputes around theology—often on their blogs—which this passage clearly condemns. 

And it’s not just the rules for worship in 1 Timothy 2 that men have chosen to disregard. These days, little attention is paid to 1 Corinthians 11:14—“Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him”—even though the language used here is the same used in Romans 1:26, which many Christians are quite fond of citing when condemning other people. 

In summary, if staying true to the Word of God means applying its instructions to women literally, without regard to their cultural contexts or original intended audiences, then faithfulness requires we do the same for men. 

It’s only fair. 

 ***

It seems funny, bizarre even, to subject men to the “Titus 2 Treatment.” But don’t forget that every day, there are very real Christian women who are discouraged from pursuing ministry positions, dream jobs, or equal partnerships with their spouses because of how the Bible is used to manage and regulate women. 

For a more a much thoughtful treatment of these topics, check out: 

Mutuality Series: 

Week of Mutuality: How it will work, definition of terms

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? (Genesis 1-3)

4 Common Misconceptions About Egalitarianism

Submission in Context: Christ and the Greco-Roman Household Codes

Dan on roles, leadership, and supporting your partner 

Who’s Who Among Biblical Women Leaders

For the Sake of the Gospel, Let Women Speak (1 Timothy 2:11-15) 

Ask an Egalitarian...(Mimi Haddad)  

Is patriarchy really God’s dream for the world?  

When Men and Women Ministered Together as Equals (Ed Cyzewski)

Women of Valor: It’s About Character, Not Roles (Proverbs 31, Ruth)

Mutuality 2012 Synchroblog

 List of Resources

Submit One To Another Series

4 Interpretive Pitfalls Around the New Testament Household Codes

The Letter to Nympha’s Church

Aristotle vs. Jesus: What Makes the New Testament Household Codes Different

“The Grace of Good Love"' - A Guest Post from Sarah Bessey

Subordination in the Trinity? – A Guest Post from Zack Hunt 

Other: 

Will the Real Complementarian Please Stand Up?

The Absurd Legalism of Gender Roles

The Absurd Legalism of Gender Roles, Exhibit B:  Guys and Dolls

The Absurd Legalism of Gender Roles, Exhibit C: “As long as I can’t see her…”

Women of Valor: It's About Character, Not Roles

Biblical Womanhood and the Illusion of Clarity: A Response to Kathy Keller

The Bible was 'clear'....

Hey Midwesterners: I’ll be sharing about my year of biblical womanhood as part of the Morningside College Wright Lecture series on Monday, February 17 at 7 p.m. The event will take place at Grace United Methodist Church, (1735 Morningside Ave), in Sioux City, Iowa. 

I’ll be available to hang out and sign books afterwards, so please feel free to stop by and say hello.  It’s free and open to the public. 

You can learn more here. 

Check out the rest of my winter/spring schedule here. 

IRL…

I don’t know if you heard, but it snowed in the Southern states this week. 

Dan and I celebrated by building a snowman who promptly melted within five hours. His name was Wendell. Rule #1 of Southern snowfall: never name your snowman; you can’t get too attached. 

In Memoriam: 

Around the Blogosphere…

Best Insight: 
Marlena Graves at Her.Meneutics with “The Poor Shall Inherit the Boards”

“As far as I know, being wealthy and influential isn't a requirement for church leadership, though. When we select nominal Christians as board members because of their clout over faithful disciples of Jesus we boldly declare our love of money and power. This habit also betrays our prejudice against the poor. We assume, being poor, they do not have wisdom or anything worthwhile to offer us.”
 

Best Teaching:
Steve Chalke with “Restoring Confidence in the Bible”

“We recognise that by its very nature – dialogue rather than monologue – the Bible calls humanity to humble and honest discussion and debate in community. We regard the example of open conversation and dialogue it embodies to be central to any authentic  approach to contemporary biblical literacy.”
 

Best Bridge-Building (nominated by Janette Platter):
Ellen Seidman with “The paradox of disability inspiration…” 

“I hope the adults with disabilities out there who rightly rail against inspiration porn can cut parents of kids with special needs a little slack. I don't mean to objectify you when I gaze admiringly as you browse in the bookstore (although rest assured, I wouldn't come up to you and gush), or when I tweet to an adult blogger with CP that I find her inspiring. I don't see your life as an "exception"—actually, I want my boy to someday have your life, the kind where he does everyday things like grocery shopping. If I consider the ordinary extraordinary, it's only because I am looking at you and envisioning my son.”
 

Best Sermon: 
Nadia Bolz-Weber with “Sermon on that special class of salty, light-bearing people to whom Jesus preaches” 

“These people, the wretched ones left behind in the last verses of chapter 4, they follow Jesus, in a way that the least, the last, the lost and the lonely have followed him ever since, and to them he gives a blessing.  The poor, those who mourn and are meek. Jesus gives them a blessing. You are blessed. He says, And then right after that, he says that they are salt and light.”

[I also heard "The Gates Are Never Shut..." by Jonathan Martin at Renovatus Church was really good. Haven't found the time to listen yet, but I'm looking forward to it.]

Best Reminder:
Christena Cleveland with “Love is Cross Cultural”
 

“The evidence suggests that Christians closely associate love with similarity, rather than dissimilarity.  In a platonic sense, we tend to go to church with people who are like us.  As University of Chicago researcher Samuel Perry notes, “Segregated churches breed segregated lives.” When our churches are segregated, our friend groups tend to be segregated. How can we love cross-culturally if we rarely cross cultures in a meaningful way?  In a romantic sense, Protestant church goers are about half as likely to have dated interracially than non-church goers.” 
 

Best Idea (nominated by Carlee Lane) 
Micha Boyett with “An invitation to curiosity”

“But inside each little body is an emerging soul, with plans and dreams that I cannot yet comprehend. Am I listening for that soul? Am I watching to see their real selves appear? Am I honoring who God is making them to be?”

Best News:

“Evidence of the Changing Evangelical Tide”

“Grace Community Church, an evangelical church of 6,000 worshipers just north of Indianapolis, reversed their position and came out in favor of women’s leadership at all levels this weekend in their public worship services.”

Check out the sermon from Tim Ayers: 

“Our task as a church is to heal the broken places that resulted from the fall and show the world God’s intentions. One of these broken places is the equity and dignity between men and women.”
 

Best Advice:
April Fiet with “Growing Into Authority”
 

“As a people-pleasing person, it was so difficult for me to tell others I was a pastor knowing that my femaleness would immediately cause them to reject me. It was terrifying to me to watch others label me as soon as they met me. ‘If she’s a female pastor, what other liberal agenda is she going to foist on us?’”

[Y’all should probably go ahead and subscribe to April’s blog. I also love “10 Reasons Rural Ministry Is Great”] 

Best Writing:
Kristin Lucas with “When Valentines and The Nightly News Collide”

“Molly watched the whole thing rather intently. Her pencil dropped out of her hand and she stared at these tragic images coming across our screen. I was holding the remote, pointing the whole time at the television. There was a battle raging within me about whether or not I should change the channel; whether I should turn on Wheel of Fortune and keep her from seeing these hard, raw, terrible things happening to other kids her age on the other side of the world. I didn’t.” 
 

Best Satire:
The Onion with "Local Church Full of Brainwashed Idiots Feed Town's Poor Every Week"

Best Valentine: 
Osheta Moore with “Everybody Gets an ‘Eshet Chayil!’”
 

Bravest (nominated by Nish Weiseth): 
Seth Haines with “Naked Confession: I have a problem with Lady Liquor”

“In any event, I don’t suppose I’m special among you. I reckon there are more than a handful here that sing the hymns of the risen Christ on Sunday morning and drink, or eat, or spend, or puke, or sex, or systematically theologize their way into the icy numb during the rest of the week. It’s such a convenient escape from dealing with the underlying pain, such an awful comfort. Isn’t it?” 

Wisest: 
Lois Tverberg with “Speaking, Painting, and Bible Translation”

“Each language has a palette with a finite amount of colors, which have evolved from the cultural memories and common experience of its users. When you try to “paint” a scene in a different language, the same words can have different shades of meaning, so the result is never exactly the same.”
 

Most Honest: 
Benjamin Moberg with “A Closet Comes Undone”

“I remember in my own closet days when some classmate would come out and the kids in youth group descended like a pack of hyenas. Gossiped and gossiped like charismatics talking in tongues. Faces became contorted amongst the guys, who would then fake throw up, and the girls would get sad, say it was such a shame this person was disappearing into the darkness. And then, inevitably, someone would say,do you think there’s anyone else? And my face would flush, throat would dry up, and an acute realization would hit me that one day, they’d all be talking about me.”
 

Most Encouraging: 
Hugh Hollowell at Love Wins with “Love as a force for good”

“I told him we had this crazy idea that if you treat people like people, then they act like people. And that we had learned that what people who are experiencing homelessness really need is a place to belong, not a place to tell them what to do. So we have worked to create that place.”

Most Informative (nominated by Brandon J. Brown) : 
Jimmy Doyle with “Binding and Loosing in the Church”
 

Most Thoughtful: 
Preston Yancey with “When I Have a [Talking About] Drinking Problem”
 

“A close friend of mine who is in recovery calls me last week. He says that the hardest thing about Christians and drinking is that we seem so excited to talk about it all the time. He says we want everyone to know about it, to hear how beyond the oppressive rules of our youth we are now. I don't say anything, because I am implicated in this. My silence is my condemnation, and I know it.”

Most Inspiring: 
Sara Miles with “Faith in the Streets”
 

“In the haphazard sprawl of a city, only the astronomically rich and walled-off can pretend that our human ideas of order -- like the geometric grid of roads laid over the Great Plains, or the forced cleanliness of suburban shopping centers -- are stable. The sheer unpredictability of city encounters makes it impossible to presume, as many churches do, that God's grace must be sequential -- measured out at regular intervals in baptism, confirmation, communion, marriage, burial -- and will happen to everyone at the prescribed time, in the same way.”
 

Most Important: 
Mary DeMuth with “21 Things That Shouldn’t Be Said to Sexual Abuse Victims”
 

Most Relatable: 
Emily Maynard with “Four Reasons I’m Glad I Left Church”
 

“So, if you want to stay in church this Sunday, I'll see you there. But if you need to go, go in peace.”

Most Powerful:
Ta-Nehisi Coates at the Atlantic with “On the Killing of Jordan Davis by Michael Dunn"

“I insist that the irrelevance of black life has been drilled into this country since its infancy, and shall not be extricated through the latest innovations in Negro Finishing School. I insist that racism is our heritage, that Thomas Jefferson's genius is no more important than his plundering of the body of Sally Hemmings, that George Washington's abdication is no more significant than his wild pursuit of Oney Judge, that the G.I Bill's accolades are somehow inseparable from its racist heritage. I will not respect the lie. I insist that racism must be properly understood as an Intelligence, as a sentience, as a default setting to which, likely until the end of our days, we unerringly return.” 

Best Perspective:
Ben Howard with “A Different Olympics” 
 

“While you’ve been treated to Scott Hamilton and Mary Carrillo and Bob Costas’s losing fight with pink-eye, I’ve been listening to a series of announcers with vaguely-European accents give a dry account of how each competitor is doing on the World Cup scene this season. While you’re watching the runs of the top Americans and a handful of medal contenders, I’m watching all 40 luge contestants even though only five have a chance of winning. And while you’re learning the heart-warming tale of how a mother helped her daughter to Olympic glory, I’m watching silently as a Zamboni smooths out the speed skating rink while ambient LMFAO plays through the stadium speakers.  You have the drama. I have the raw totality.”
 

Best Insight:
Krista Dalton with “Religious Law and When Life is in Danger”
 

“This concept goes back to the fundamental understanding of Lev 18:5 “You shall keep my statutes and my ordinances; by doing so one will live: I am the Lord.” The assertion that the law brings life governs the entire religious framework of the rabbinic community. Yes, there are precise religious practices spanning many volumes in Judaism and in the statements of faith and conduct in Christianity, but at their fundamental core is the instance by God that they should bring life.”
 

Best Response: 
Naomi Hanvey with “Complementarianism On Ice: A Dancer’s Response…”

“In partnering, you pair up the people who are a good match for each other in terms of relative height and weight, movement quality, and technical ability.  You give them movements that cater to the strengths of each while at the same time working on their weaknesses, hoping to build them into new strengths.  Through an endless cycle of trial and error, success and failure, people who are different from one another come together and learn to trust each other and work toward a common goal.  In a sense, they become one.  They equally share the work, the pain, the responsibility, the triumph, and the reward.  Marriage is the same way, at least in my experience.  It’s not about having a leader and a follower, an initiator and a receiver; it’s about mutual strength, trust, and dedication, and as Christians, mutual submission to the real Leader.”
 

Valentines…

For the Bible Nerds:
Denis Lamoureux on biblical genealogies – Part 1 and Part 2

For the Nerds: 
Top 10 XKCD Cartoons on Science and Religion 

For the Feminists: 
Getty Images, Sheryl Sanberg team up to make stock photos of women more empowering

For the Calvinist:
Puritan Valentines Day Cards 

For the Music Lovers:
“SALT honors the 75th Anniversary of Billie Holiday’s ‘Strange Fruit’”

For the Weary: 
Sarah Bessey on learning the unforced rhythms of grace

 

On the Blog…

Most Popular Post:
If Men Got the Titus 2 Treatment
 

This Week’s Travels…

Monday, February 17, 2014 
Wright Lecture Series at Morningside College
Sioux City, IA
Evening Lecture 7:00pm
More info

Friday, February 21, 2014 - Saturday, February 22, 2014
Lake Junaluska Conference & Retreat Center
Lake Junaluska, NC
Signature Series 10:00am to 3:00pm
More info 

***

So what caught your eye online this week? What’s happening on your blog? 

They say I’ve taken the easy way out.

They say I’ve given in to the culture in an effort to be welcomed and liked by my peers.  They tell me I’ve counted the cost of following Jesus and considered it too much, so I’ve jumped on the liberal bandwagon— embracing evolution, feminism, LGBT equality, and theological views that veer from the evangelical norm — because it’s the easy, convenient thing to do.  

And I want to shake their shoulders and ask, What culture do you think I came from? Who do you think are my peers? This church, this community, was once my whole world until it took the questions I offered with trembling hands and smashed them against the wall.  How dare you say I took the easy way out when these questions have cost me relationships, reputation, status, and security?  How dare you say I took the easy way out when this path has been so lonely and treacherous? 

There has been a cost: Professors who once beamed with pride at my writing chastise me for not devoting myself to worthier female vocations. A community that once celebrated and encouraged my gifts has asked me to keep my distance. I am the subject of gossip in the grocery store aisle and a topic for critical discussion in Sunday school. Friends have compared me to an addict and told me they need to step away. 

Oh, this has come with a cost. 

Even so, mine has been a relatively easy journey. My parents are  supportive and I have many faithful friends. I’ve found success and solidarity in my writing, and my husband has never left my side. But there are science teachers who have lost their jobs for teaching that the earth is more than 6,000 years old and biblical scholars who have been labeled heretics for suggesting Genesis 1 is not a scientific text. There are teenagers who have faced homelessness after coming out to their parents, and parents who have faced excommunication from their church for standing by their gay kids. I know women who can remember the way their hearts sank when a row of men stood up and left when they approached the podium to speak. I know writers who have lost book deals and pastors who have been run out of town. 

We aren't “giving in” to the culture; our culture is evangelical Christianity. We're struggling with that culture, and doing so comes with a cost. 

***

You're the ones taking the easy way out.

That's what I tell my detractors.

You're the ones who have given in to the culture in an effort to be welcomed and liked by your peers.

I convince myself that the people with whom I disagree hold their convictions because they haven’t really thought them through or because they're afraid to challenge the status quo. They've chosen willful ignorance over thoughtful inquiry, I say, the safety of fundamentalism over the risk of inclusive love.  They've counted the cost of really following Jesus and considered it too much.  They're the ones taking the easy way out, not  me. 

And I get to feel all vindicated and righteous for about seven minutes before the weight of the log in my eye starts to pull my whole head down. 

Because the truth is, their convictions come with a cost too. 

It’s painful to see your beliefs mocked in the media and satirized on TV. There’s a cost to sticking with your values when they strike others as old-fashioned or strange.  It hurts like hell to be the butt of jokes at your office or called a "bigot" or "extremist" on your college campus when nothing could be further from the truth. It takes guts to raise your hand and challenge the professor in a secular classroom or walk away from a compromising situation when it may mean damaging relationships that have been hard-won. And it's got to sting to be called a fundamentalist by other Christians (like me) when you're just trying to do the right thing and do it in love. It must hurt to be subjected to the rolled eyes and the know-it-all attitude we progressive-types can conjure as well as anybody. 

I have made assumptions about my brothers and sisters in the faith, only to learn that they too have struggled through big questions, they've just arrived at different answers. I’ve spoken with twenty-somethings whose families ridiculed them when they came to Christianity and with women whose professors sneered at them when they challenged feminist teachings. Once, after I told someone he must certainly have never met a gay person in his life, he responded that his ex-wife was a lesbian and he struggles with how to raise his children with her in a gracious and loving way.

How little I know of other people’s stories. How swift I am to judge based on where we met in the path without bothering to ask where they've come from.

***

I’ve been thinking….

We fight like brothers and sister because we are. We've all been adopted into God’s family. 

Maybe we don’t have to change each other’s minds to lighten one another’s load by not assuming motives, by giving each other the benefit of the doubt that we arrived at our beliefs through honest searching.  

There’s a cost to every conviction.  

What mine have cost me may be different than what yours have cost you, but the sense of loss is the same.  And so is the hope that comes with breaking bread together in spite of our theological and political differences and settling into the sweet certainty that following Jesus doesn’t have to cost this.  It doesn’t have to cost our love for one another.

Not if we don't want it to.

Just wanted to update you on some details of my visit to Northeast Tennessee this week. As part of the Buechner Institute lecture series at King University, I'll be speaking in both Bristol and Kingsport. Here are the details: 

Monday, February 24

9:15 a.m. - “Telling the Truth (In the Internet Age”), Memorial Chapel, King University (1350 King College Road, Bristol, TN 37620

7 p.m. -  “My Year of Biblical Womanhood” + Q&A, Kingsport Center for Higher Education (300 W Market St, Kingsport, TN 37660)

For those who believe in the dignity and value of gay and lesbian people and who support LGBT equality both in the U.S. and abroad, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. 

Coverage of the Olympic Winter Games brought Russia’s anti-gay laws back into the conversation and exposed some of that country’s cultural prejudice against LGBT people. 

And in Uganda, President Yoweri Museveni signed into law a bill that makes homosexuality punishable by life in prison. The following day, the front page headline of a popular Ugandan newspaper read, “EXPOSED: Uganda’s 200 Top Homos Named” with several photographs next to the headline.  (When similar articles were released in 2011, a gay rights activist was found beaten to death in his home.) It has been said that the Ugandan government was influenced by evangelical Christians from the U.S., and indeed Museveni’s argument that gay and lesbian people are “disgusting” has been echoed by Thabiti Anyabwile of the Gospel Coalition, who has spoken positively about similar legislation in Liberia and Russia. 

Here in the U.S., several states—most recently Kansas and Arizona— have been considering bills that would ensure the protection of businesses that refuse service to gay and lesbian people. 

While these bills may have originally been proposed in response to a few isolated incidents in other states (in which, for example, a baker refused to bake a cake for a wedding between two men), the language is broad enough and vague enough to empower individuals or businesses to refuse to serve anyone whose presence violates “deeply-held religious beliefs.”  It would allow a restaurant owner to hang a “NO GAYS ALLOWED” sign in his window, or a hotel manager to turn away a gay couple, or a doctor to insist on only treating straight people. 

This is a serious overreaction to the wedding cake scenario, and at least in Arizona, totally unnecessary, as the state already allows discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.  

It has been disheartening to see evangelical Christians remain silent on the injustices in Russia and Uganda and then rally in support of these discrimination bills in the name of “religious freedom.”  

"Religious freedom” is the banner under which this decade’s culture wars are being waged, and so, while there are many angles to this story we could discus, I’d like to focus on this one. 

Evangelical Christians in America enjoy incredible religious freedom, perhaps more than any other group in this country. Christians remain the religious majority in the U.S. Every American president has identified himself as a Christian, and Christians make up the overwhelming majority in both the House of Representatives and Senate. If you are a white evangelical Christian in the U.S. you are unlikely to be “randomly” screened by the T.S.A. every time you try to board an airplane.  It is unlikely that you will face protests and governmental obstruction when you attempt build a new place of worship, which is a reality faced by many of our Muslim citizens. 

And yet despite enjoying majority status, significant privilege, and unchallenged religious freedom in this country, we evangelical Christians have become known as a group of people who cry “persecution!” upon being wished “Happy Holidays’ by a store clerk. 

We have become known as a group of people who sees themselves perpetually under attack, perpetually victimized, and perpetually entitled, a group who, ironically, often responds to these imagined disadvantages by advancing legislation that restricts the civil liberties of other people. 

But living in a pluralistic society that also grants freedom and civil rights protection to those with whom one disagrees is not the same as religious persecution.   And crying persecution every time one doesn’t get one’s way is an insult to the very real religious persecution happening in the world today.  It's no way to be a good citizen and certainly no way to advance the gospel in the world. 

Now, one could argue all day, from a strictly civic perspective, about whether a person should be allowed to deny services to another person on account of religious differences. Maybe they should; maybe they shouldn’t. I don’t know. It's a complex issue and I can see both sides. 

But what I want to address here is whether followers of Jesus should devote their time and efforts to rallying in support of legislation that would empower business owners to deny services to gay and lesbian people  (many of whom are fellow Christians, by the way) or whether, as Andy Stanely puts it, “serving people we don’t see eye to eye with is the essence of Christianity. Jesus died for a world with which he didn’t see eye to eye. If a bakery doesn’t want to sell its products to a gay couple, it’s their business. Literally. But leave Jesus out of it.”

I'm with Andy on this, because I can’t help but think of the words of Jesus: 

“If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you… Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

You know who was actually persecuted for their religious beliefs? 

Jews under Roman occupation in the first century.  

And you know what Jesus told those Jews to do? 

Pay your taxes. Obey the law. Give to those who ask. Do not turn people away. Love your neighbors. Love even your enemies. 

When Jesus spoke of “walking the second mile,” he was referring to an oppressive Roman law that allowed a traveling Roman solider to demand that a stranger carry his pack for up to one mile.  No doubt some of Jesus’ first listeners had been forced to do just that, to drop their farming equipment, fishing nets, or carpentry tools and carry a heavy pack, losing hours of work in the process. 

The law allowed the soldier to demand from them a mile, no more. Jesus told his followers to walk two. 

As Christians, our most “deeply held religious belief” is that Jesus Christ died on the cross for sinful people, and that in imitation of that, we are called to love God, to love our neighbors, and to love even our enemies to the point of death. 

So I think we can handle making pastries for gay people. 

And I think that refusing to serve gay and lesbian people, and advancing legislation that denies others their civil liberties in response to perceived threats to our own, does irreparable damage to our witness as Christians and leaves a whole group of people feeling like second-class citizens, not only in our country, but also in the Kingdom. There may be second-class citizens in the U.S. and in Uganda and in Russia, but there should be no second-class citizens in the Kingdom.  

As I’ve made it clear in the past, I support marriage equality and affirm my gay and lesbian friends who want to commit themselves to another person for life. But even if I didn’t, even if I believed same-sex marriage was a sin, I could never, in good conscience, throw my support behind a law that would put my gay and lesbian neighbors behind bars for being gay or allow businesses to discriminate against them because of their orientation.

Because over and beyond my beliefs regarding homosexuality is my most deeply-held conviction that I am called to love my neighbor as myself…even if it costs me something, even if it means walking a second mile. 

I've been watching people with golden crosses around their necks and on their lapels shout at the TV about how serving gay and lesbian people is a violation of their “sincerely-held religious beliefs.” 

And I can't help but laugh at the sad irony of it. 

Two-thousand years ago, Jesus hung from that cross, looked out on the people who put him there and said, "Father, forgive them." Jesus served sinners all the way to the cross. 

The truth is, evangelical Christians have already "lost" the culture wars. And it's not because the "other side" won or because evangelicals have failed to protect our own religious liberties.  Evangelicals lost the culture wars the moment they committed to fighting them, the moment they decided to stop washing feet and start waging war.  

And I fear that we've lost not only the culture wars, but also our Christian identity, when the  "right to refuse" service has become a more sincerely-held and widely-known Christian belief than the impulse to give it. 

***

See also Micha Murray's "Perhaps Love Bakes a Cake" and my "Everyone's a biblical literalist until you bring up gluttony."

For a perspective from a gay Christian, check out Justin Lee's interview with CNN:

It’s conference season! I’ll be speaking at four very cool events this year. Hope to see you there: 

C3 Conference 

Thursday, March 6 – Saturday, March 8
St. George's Episcopal Church,  Nashville, TN 
 

“C3 is an event and an ongoing resource that teaches Christians of all denominations and the unchurched how to create courageous conversations that do not ruin relationships. We hope to reclaim our calling to be ministers of reconciliation (II Corinthians 5:18) within the Christian community and beyond it.” 

Other speakers include Glennon Melton, Melvin Bray, William P. Young, and Phil Keaggy.  I’ll be speaking on the hot topic of millennials and the church. 

More Info  

Change the World Conference

Thursday, April 3 – Friday, April 4
Ginghamsburg Church, Tipp City, OH

“A conference for all church leaders who are ready to stop playing church and start being the Church.” 

Other speakers include Diana Butler-Bass, Rev. Adam Hamilton, and Mike Slaughter. 

More Info 

Calvin College Festival of Faith and Writing 

Thursday, April 10, 2014 - Saturday, April 12, 2014
Calvin College, Grand Rapids, MI

“The Festival of Faith and Writing at Calvin College is a biennial conference that brings together writers, editors, publishers, musicians, artists, and readers for three days of discussing and celebrating insightful writing that explores, in some significant way, issues of faith.” 

Other speakers this year include Anne Lamott, James McBride, Gene Luen Yang, Luci Shaw, Miroslav Volf, and dozens more. I’m honored to be giving the closing plenary address on Saturday afternoon. This is really one of my favorite conferences to attend; I hope you can make it! 

More Info 
 

Q Nashville 

Wednesday, April 23 – Friday, April 25
War Memorial Auditorium, Nashville, TN

“Join 1,000 remarkable leaders from all channels of culture as we gather in Nashville to consider how to advance the common good in a pluralistic society. Our method of learning is simple: exposure, conversation and collaboration. Over the course of three days, speakers will present their big idea in concise 18, 9, or 3-minute formats.” 

Other speakers include Christine Caine, Shauna Niequist, Russell Moore, Nicole Baker Fulgham, Andy Crouch, and many more. I’ll be speaking on millennials and the church…I think.

More Info  
 

So, are you planning to attend any of these conferences? I would love to hang out in person!

Best Speech: 
Lupita Nyong’o on beauty at the Essence’s Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon 

Best Reporting: 
Eric Marrapodi at CNN with “Stepping-stones to safety: A family flees Syria's war - and finds refuge in Italy's islands”

“Just down the road from the café, on one side of the street, docks are lined with boats waiting to take tourists snorkeling and fishing. On the other side, a boat cemetery is filled with junked vessels that brought refugees and migrants to the island over the past few years.  The names of the dilapidated boats are hand-lettered on the sides in Arabic.”

Best Photo Series: 
The Atlantic with “The Murmurations of Starlings” 

Best List: 
Amy Rayson with “Ten Things Your Pastor Wishes You Knew About Her” 

“She has argued, wrestled, cried, lamented, and railed against her call. She has been to Tarshish many times on her way to Nineveh. She does not exist to make a point, to make waves, or to make you mad. She is (and should be) obedient to her God, not to her critics.”

Best Headline:
The Onion with “American Airlines to Phase Out Complimentary Cabin Pressurization”

Best Series: 
Richard Beck with “The Theology of Johnny Cash”

“…What I think most interesting about the song ‘The Man Comes Around’ is how, as I mentioned above, it is so steeped in the biblical imagination. And the biblical imagination, I'd argue, is always going to explode the boxes of conservative and liberal theology. The biblical imagination, like the God it is trying to describe, is like that whirlwind in a thorn tree. The biblical imagination cannot be codified or systematized. The biblical imagination is going to be wild and untamed. And because the theology of Johnny Cash was so shaped by the Scriptures, due to Cash's daily and lifelong reading of the bible, I think it's fitting to note here at the end that Johnny Cash's theology, being a biblical theology, will also be difficult to pin down and put into a box.”

and Leigh Kramer with “The Enneagram and Blogging”

“Besides building a platform or working toward publication, Threes feel their blogs are a great way to publicize themselves and their endeavors. The flipside of their goal-orientedness is Threes can struggle with their blog's purpose. If they're not working toward something, do they still post? What are they trying to achieve by blogging? Some Threes expressed feeling it wasn't enough to just publish a post for the sake of publishing something or even posting for themselves. They want their work to affect others, to reach an audience, to matter.”

[I’m sharing this quote because I’m a 3!]

Best Perspective: 
“The Other Side of the Donald Miller Post: Church PTSD” 

“Honestly, I have something akin to a PTSD…when it comes to church.  When I hear people talking in Christian catch phrases I want to run away.  This is the language of the culture of people who persecuted and bullied my family and me.  If you speak their language, you must be one of them, too.  So I stay away.”

Best Idea: 
Osheta Moore with “Standing Our Ground…In Prayer” 

“We wrestle not against flesh and blood but powers and principalities in heavenly places.  We wield not guns in shaky, terrified hands but the doubled-edged Sword the Spirit. We’re going stand our ground…in prayer.”

Best Writing:
Christie Purifoy with “How Desire Led You Home”

“You were a child, and they wanted only the best for you. So they told you your heart was deceitful. They told you that every desire was only a misplaced desire for Him. They spoke the (partial) truth in love, and you took their words to heart. Those words kept you safe. They kept you on a narrow way, and you will always be grateful for that. But Jesus never promised safety; He promised abundance. The abundant life is a wide-awake life, and it is anything but safe.”

Best Response: 
Brian McLaren with “Q & R: You, Rob Bell, Don Miller, and Christianity Today”

“Several years ago, a respected older Evangelical theologian confided to me that if he had it to do over again, he wouldn't have let the fear of critique by Evangelical gatekeepers have such control over him. He encouraged me to follow my conscience and not trim my sails for fear of being singled out. I have tried to follow that advice, and am glad I did.” 

Wisest:
Morgan Guyton with “When Bible Study Becomes Your Personal Bug Collection”

“I think the greatest crisis in evangelical Biblical interpretation today is not that evangelicals have stopped respecting the Bible’s authority; it’s that evangelicals have turned the Bible into a set of “truths” to be stabbed with a needle and put into a display case like dead bees and dragonflies and beetles.” 

Funniest:
David Attenborough Narrates Curling

Sweetest: 
Nish Weiseth with “A Thank You Note to Mumford & Sons” 

“Your music brings more joy to Rowan than anything we've managed to do in our four years as his parents. When he listens to your music, it's as if all of his struggles, anxieties and obstacles are pushed out of the way and he can just be the happy little boy that we so deeply desire him to be. I firmly believe that Rowan is his true, happiest self when he is listening to you play, and I'll forever be grateful to you for that.  Thank you for being faithful to your craft. Thank you for your commitment to your passion and talent for music. It's not just entertainment, or fun to listen to. It's healing and powerful, and it's worked a small miracle for my boy.” 

Smartest: 
Kristen Rosser with “The ‘Feminization’ of the Church”

“The church is not a product like a soda or a moisturizer, that you can market to men by claiming that it's not for women.  Nor is it helpful to bifurcate church experience so that the women get all the comfort and love while men get all the challenging calls to discipleship.  Men and women are real people, not stereotypes. Men often need comfort and love, and women have no less need for challenge.  Jesus wasn't speaking only to men when He said ‘Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Me (Luke 9:23)."  Nor was He talking only to women when He said, "Come to Me. . . and you find rest for your souls; for My yoke is easy and My burden is light. (Matthew 11:30).’

Bravest:
Perry Noble with “Should Christians take medication for mental illness?”

“It was quite humbling for me to begin to do something I once considered to be a sign of weakness. However, as a Christian and as a pastor I can honestly say that making the decision to swallow my pride and accept the common grace God has provided through medicine has made me a better husband, father and friend.” 
 

Saddest: 
Bryan College takes stand on creation that has professors worried for their jobs

Most Powerful:
Christena Cleveland at Missio Alliance with “Everything I know about racism I learned in the church”

“As a millenial, I’ve lived most of my years in our so-called “post-racial” American church.  Yet my earliest and most painful experiences of racism have all occurred in the church – at the hands of sincere Christians.  And unfortunately, my stories are consistent with the stories of many other people my age and younger. The ongoing racism in the church exposes an explosive hypocrisy. If we do not consistently and courageously confront it, the church will continue to instruct people that being different is a curse, demonstrate to them that God doesn’t love them, eviscerate their identities and compel them to seek refuge from the church outside the church. Those of us who are aware of individual and structural racism in the church must continue to point it out, facilitate discussions, speak the truth in love, challenge our pastors and leaders, pray for healing and work for justice.”

 

Most Convicting: 
D.L. Mayfield at Deeper Story with “Lord, Lord” 

“Live as if you were God, as if you knew what lay around the next bend, the next corner of your life, as if you had control of any little thing that happens on this planet. Lean into your justifiable hate, against those oppressors and tyrants and abusers; hate them into the ground from whence they came, hate them as long and as hard as it takes, crushing their bones into powder in your mind. Hate them as if this will change anything, as if you could wring the very sorrow out of your soul, as if this will set the world right again.”
 

Most Eye-Opening:
Micah Murray with “On Growing Up in Bill Gothard’s Homeschool Cult” 
 

“When I tell my story, people say ''You should hate God by now. It’s a miracle you’re a Christian at all. 'They’re right. It’s a miracle.” 

Most Informative: 
Jessica Parks with “Frauen Fridays: Mercy Amba Oduyoye” 
 

“Since the Bible depicts other peoples’ cultures, and we know from African culture that not everything in culture is liberating, we come to the Bible with the same cautious approach we have to culture… Any interpretation of the Bible is unacceptable if it does harm to women, the vulnerable and the voiceless.” - Oduyoye in Introducing African Women’s Theology 

[Love this idea for a series]

Most Thoughtful: 
Peter Enns with“Creationists Talking About Creation…(Or, on Theological Mass Re-Education)”
 

“So, it struck me early on that for the conversation truly to go forward, what is needed is nothing short of a “theological mass re-education”–and in some cases I would even say “de-programming”–not to take the Bible away from anyone, but to give it back without the tons of freight that literalism shackles to it.”

Most Valorous: 
Minerva G. Carcaño with “A Letter to the Active and Retired United Methodist Bishops of Africa” 
 

Best Reminder:
Benjamin Moberg with “Two Ways to Maybe Not Write About Gay People”

“I cannot count the number of times I have been likened to Jesus drunk friends, or the adulteress woman, or the tax collectors. I am the pre- “go and sin no more” gospel character- the shabby fellow who’s luck is about to turn when I meet the Light of the World…But wait a sec… I am a Christian. There are thousands, maybe millions, of others out there like me.”

 

Best Questions: 
Sara Barton at Jesus Creed with“Christian Identity and the Church as Family”
 

“So, if people are leaving the church, perhaps we need to avoid defensiveness and ask some hard questions about family.  Sometimes individuals leave families of origin because of abuse, because of dysfunction that threatens to overtake the entire family system.  Could it be that many of our friends and neighbors are leaving church because of dysfunction that needs deep introspection?  We can easily cite stories of people for whom the church is functioning.  We should celebrate those stories.  But, the church is not functioning for others, to such an extent that they are leaving.  Instead of being defensive, maybe what we should do for a while is merely listen.What would it look like for the church at large to stop and listen to the all Donald Millers we know?”

 Best Sermon Series:
Jonathan Martin at Renovatus Church with "The Peaceable Kingdom"

On the Blog…

Most Popular Post:
Walking the Second Mile: Jesus, Discrimination, and ‘Religious Freedom’

Most Popular Comment (Maybe Ever!): 
In response to “Walking the Second Mile,” Jesus Benyosef wrote: 

“There was once a gay man who went looking for a place to eat in Arizona. Several restaurant owners refused to serve him on account of their sincerely-held religious beliefs. Then an atheist noticed that he was hungry and invited him to his home to have dinner with his family. Which of these was a neighbor to the gay man?

Elsewhere…

I shared one of my biggest struggles—my compulsive need for approval and awards—over at Glennon Melton’s place last week as part of her Sacred/Scared series. Be sure to check out the other installments, which include stories from Sarah Bessey & Shauna Niequist, Tara Livesay & Jamie Ivey,Nate Pyle & Jamie Wright, Jen Hatmaker & Kristen Howerton. 
 

Book News…

So here’s some exciting news: Zondervan has decided to re-release Evolving in Monkey Town this spring with a new title, fresh cover, and a few updates. 

The book is called Faith Unraveled: How a Girl Who Knew All the Answers Learned to Ask Questions, and I’m really excited about this release. (I realize some of you are very attached to the first title. It's okay! I promise!) Right now, you can pre-order the e-version for Kindle and Nook for just $3.99. The official release date is April 8, 2014. 

Now, this is an updated version of “Monkey Town,” not the new book…which I’m still slaving away on in hopes of finishing before summer.

The new book will be memoir about church, arranged around seven sacraments, with the working title “Sunday Morning.” I'm pretty pumped about it. 

***

 So, what caught your eye online this week? What’s happening on your blog?

As has become a tradition here on the blog, I’ve compiled a list of 40 ideas that I hope will help you make the most of this season of reflection, penitence, and preparation. This year I’ve tried to focus on disciplines that engage the whole body, not just the mind.  Some ideas are repeats from pervious years, while others are new. I’ve also included ideas from readers in years past. Please feel free to add your own ideas and recommendations in the comment section. 

5 Questions to Ask Yourself:

1. When I wake up on Resurrection Sunday morning, how will I be different? What am I preparing for? 

2. Is there a habit or sin in my life that repeatedly gets in the way of loving God with my whole heart or loving my neighbor as myself? How do I address that issue over the next 40 days?

3. What are some things in my life that I tell myself I need but I don’t? Can I give one or two of them up for 40 days? 

4. Is there a spiritual discipline—praying the hours, lectio divina, stations of the cross, etc.—that I’ve always wanted to try?  How might I alter my daily routine to include one of these disciplines? And how can I engage all my senses—sight, sound, taste, smell, touch—as I practice them? 

5. How do I want Lent 2014 to affect not only the next 40 days but also the next 40 years? 

10 Online Resources:

1.    I love that our friend Preston Yancey has created a super-simple blog providing daily lectionary readings from the two-year cycle found in the 1979 Book of Common Prayer. This is an excellent way to start the discipline of daily Scripture readings during the season of Lent. You can subscribe by email or RSS feed. Also, be sure to check out Preston’s ideas for reading Scripture, including Lectio Divina and Visio Lectio. These are fantastic resources. Thank you, Preston! 
 

2.    “The Lent Project,” Biola University: This is a wonderful series of daily reflections available online that include Scripture, devotional texts, works of art, poetry, videos, and music, all layered together to create some beautiful moments of meditation and reflection. 

3.     “Introduction to the Christian Year” by Mark Dr. Roberts 

4.    “A Handbook for the Discipline of Lent” by Rev. Thomas L. Weitzel, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America

5. “Why You May Really Need Lent this Year [and a Free Family Lent & Easter Devotional]" by Ann Voskamp

6. “Resources for Celebrating Lent with Kids” - Godspace

7. “Songs for Lent,” Calvin Institute of Christian Worship

8. Bread for the World’s Lenten Resources 

9. “Pray as You Go”: a daily prayer session, designed for use on portable MP3 players, to help you pray whenever you find time, but particularly whilst travelling to and from work, study, etc. 
 

10. “40 Ideas for Keeping a Holy Lent,” House for All Sinners and Saints 

10 Book & Music Recommendations:

1. Wondrous Encounters: Scriptures for Lent by Richard Rohr 

2. Lent for Everyone (Year A)by N.T. Wright 

3. Lent at Ephesus, music from the Benedictines of Mary Queen of Apostles 

4.    Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals by Shane Claiborne, Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove, and Enuma Okoro

5.    40 Days of Living the Jesus Creedby Scot McKnight (only $2.99 on Kindle/Nook!) 

6.    The Slavery of Death by Richard Beck (not exactly a devotional, but this book has some great reflections and ideas on sin and death, which are important topics during Lent.) 

7.    City of God: Faith in the Streets by Sara Miles 

8.     Eastertide: Prayers for Lent Through Easter by Phyllis Tickle

9.     Show Me The Way: Daily Lenten Readings by Henri Nouwen

10. The Rule of St. Benedict 

10 Fasts/ Disciplines/ Rituals:

1.    Traditionally, Christians abstained from eating meat during Lent, so consider joining millions of Christians around the world in this fast. It’s a great way to feel connected to the historical, worldwide church, and to become more mindful about the food you eat. Also, if your fast includes a change in diet or spending habits, consider donating money you saved to an organization that helps care for the poor. 

2.    Pray the offices for 40 days. The Daily Office, or the Divine Hours, consists of four times of prayer each day: morning prayers (Matins/Laudes), midday prayers (Sext), evening prayers (Vespers), nighttime prayers (Compline). If it’s your first time praying the hours, I recommend using Phyllis Tickle’s The Divine Hours, Pocket Edition. 

3.    Make or purchase Anglican Prayer Beads and devote yourself to praying through them three times a day. (Or if you’re Catholic, pray through the rosary.)  Richard Beck turned me on to this practice and it's been a lifesaver during this busy season of travel. 

4.    For families with children: Make a thorn wreath with your family. (submitted by Julie Ball). Or Institute a Way of Light wreath or an Easter Tree (via Ann Voskamp) You may also want to check out this fantastic list of Lent ideas for families, which includes eating fish sticks on Fridays, making paper chains, donating, and keeping a gratitude jar. 

5.    Go on a mini pilgrimage. Set aside a day (or even a weekend) during Lent to visit a nearby monastery. A couple years ago, I spent a weekend at St. Bernard Abbey in Cullman, Alabama, and it was a really powerful and enriching time for me. I especially enjoyed walking through their outdoor stations of the cross. Many monasteries welcome overnight guests and allow them to participate in prayers and meals. Just be sure to call ahead to make a reservation and learn about the community’s policies. Or, visit a church that has a labyrinth and walk the labyrinth, or a church that has a unique work of art you have always wanted to see. Choose a destination that has meaning to you in your spiritual journey and make a day or a weekend of it, and focus on an experience that will engage all of your senses. 

6.     From Aric Clark: Last year I tried to give away 40 things I don't need for Lent. Each day I went through my closet, through my book & DVD collections etc and picked something I don't need and found someone to give it to. I found it meaningful. 

7.  From Leea Price: Fully observe the Sabbath for Lent, from sundown on Friday through Saturday.

8.  From Beth: I fasted from using my debit card last year. It allowed me to become painfully aware of how easily I swipe & waste; and, allowed me to meditate on & act with better stewardship.

9.  Commit to memorizing a significant portion of Scripture, like the Sermon on the Mount, or Isaiah 58, or (one of my favorites) 1 John 4. One reader also suggested The Magnificat.

10. Commit yourself to learning from a Christian tradition with which you are less familiar. Ask around about good “primers” on the tradition that interests you, and consider visiting a church in that tradition. Get to know some people who worship in that tradition. Invite them over for a meal. This is an especially good practice for folks who are not currently plugged into a church and it helps build bridges between various Christian traditions. 

5 Prayers/ Meditations

1.  Psalm 51

2.  Isaiah 58

3.  Litany of Penitence 

4 . Litany of Humility

5. This one, from Thomas Merton: 

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, 
and the fact that I think that I am following your will 
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always, 
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, 
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

See also: 

40 Ideas for Lent 2013
40 Ideas for Lent 2012
40 Ideas for Lent 2011
40 Ideas for Lent 2010

What would you add? What Lenten practices have you found particularly meaningful? 

Wishing you all a blessed Lenten season. 

No official superlatives today. I’ve been on the road too much this week to check the internet, and it would be wrong to simply steal links from the awesome weekly roundups of Sarah Bessey, On Pop Theology, Christena Cleveland, and Scot McKnight,which I confess I was tempted to do. (Add these folks to your blog reader if you haven’t already. They really do curate some of the best link-ups out there.) 

However, I do want to draw your attention to two amazing posts written about women in ministry this week: 

April Fiet with “When God Calls a Complementarian Woman into Ministry” 

“Calling. Somehow in the midst of a worldview that told me I couldn’t be called, in the middle of a class that was being taught by someone who probably never thought I could be called, God spoke to me and confirmed to me that I was called to ministry. And, then I immediately excused the thought of pastoral ministry, and decided it must be music ministry, or something more “appropriate” for a woman to do.” 

Jackie Roese with “I Said It” 

“What we have going on is not a women’s issue; it’s a human issue. And I don’t believe the issue is about equality. I don’t think Jesus died so we could be equal. Jesus died for something bigger than that. Equality means I’ve got my rights, and you’ve got yours, and so we’re good with each other. Do you hear how we can simply tolerate rather than integrate? God created man and woman (community) to live in Shalom. That’s bigger than equality. It may include equality, but it doesn’t rest there. Interdependent. Intertwined. In need of otherness. Oneness. It’s bigger than equality.” 

Powerful and encouraging stuff. 

Oh, and this post on loving our LGBT neighbors is just too good not to also share: 

Justin Lee with "You love gay people? That's great. Prove it." 

“…Anything you could say, all that “speaking the truth in love,” I’ve heard it all before. So if you’re really serious when you say you love me, you’re going to have to prove it. Show me. Not sure how? Here are some ideas.”

 

In other news, on Tuesday evening, March 11, I’ll be speaking at Siena Heights University about my year of biblical womanhood. The event is at 7:30 p.m. in Francoeur Theater on the Adrian campus and is open to the public. I’ll have lots of time to hang out afterwards if you want to chat or have me sign a book. You can learn more here. 

The next stop is Eastern Mennonite University in Harrisonburg, Virginia, where I’ll be speaking in chapel about millennials and the church on Wednesday, March 19 at 10 a.m. and about my year of biblical womanhood in Lehman Auditorium at 8:30 p.m. Learn more here. 

What a strange gift it’s been to speak to so many different groups—from a Catholic university to a Mennonite university and everything in between!  Still, I’ll be cutting back on travel big time this summer, fall, and in 2015, which should get me back to regular blogging and hopefully give me the chance to finish this next book. As much as I love meeting readers in person and connecting with all these cool universities, churches, and conferences, I’m exhausted. And I hate airplanes. And my introverted self is running on empty. So it’s time for a break. 

Finally, Faith Unraveled (the April re-release of Evolving in Monkey Town) is still available for pre-order on Kindle/Nook for just $3.79. That’s a good deal! We've been discussing the release on my Facebook Page, which I should probably remind people exists more often. 

Tomorrow on the blog look for a review of Christena Cleveland’s book, Disunity in Christ. Spoiler Alert: It’s fantastic! 

In the meantime, what caught your eye online this week? What’s happening on your blog? 

It’s a busy travel season for me, so I read Christena Cleveland’s book, Disunity in Christ: Uncovering the Hidden Forces that Keep Us Apart, over a period of several months and mostly on airplanes, where I suspect my frantic underlining and audible “amens” may have made a few of my seatmates uncomfortable. 

My engagement with this book unfolded in a telling series of responses: 

About a third of the way through I concluded, “those Calvinists really need to read this.” 

Then, about two-thirds of the way through, I was like, “Oh crap. I really need to read this.” 

By the end, I was all, “EVERY CHRISTIAN EVERYWHERE NEEDS TO READ THIS!!!” 

Disunity in Christ is that convicting, that informative, and that good. 

As a sociologist, Cleveland is able to apply the latest research on social psychology and communication to unpack the ways that common social dynamics affect they way Christians relate to one another.   

For example, group polarization. Group polarization happens when, in the absence of diverse influences, homogenous group members tend to adopt more extreme and narrow-minded thinking as time passes. 

Example: CPAC

And then there’s outgroup homogeneity. Outgroup homogeneity is the tendency to think that all of the people who are not like us are the same. 

Example: What I just did there with CPAC. 

Though Disunity in Christ is packed with information, Cleveland’s writings style is lively, conversational, practical, and often quite humorous. (You will love how her deadpan wit surprises you in unexpected places, even in informational charts and graphs!) Cleveland draws from all sorts of sources— from Scot McKnight’s A Community Called Atonement, to college football, to multiple scientific studies and surveys, many of which are quite colorful and fascinating.  A quick glance at her sources reveals just how well-read and smart the author is, though her prose is not for a moment stilted or heavy-handed. Best of all, when explaining common blind spots in communication, Cleveland often includes herself in critiques, citing specific examples of how she’s made the same mistakes. 

The book includes some super-practical advice for both church leaders and laypeople. Cleveland even shares the self-affirmation exercises she used to help her listen with an open heart and mind to a sermon from a pastor whose views on gender she generally found troublesome. 
    
And just when you think this is just a nice book with some nice suggestions for Christian unity, Cleveland comes along and drops a truth bomb reminding you of the importance of the topic at hand: 

• “What if there were no ‘them’ in the body of Christ?” (p. 63) 
• “This is what we enact as we celebrate the Eucharist. In receiving Christ’s broken body and spilled blood, we, in a sense, receive all those whom Christ received by suffering.” (p. 36) 
• “The work of reconciliation is often excruciating because it is the work of the cross.” (p. 156)

It was scary…convicting, really …how often I saw myself in Cleveland’s analysis. The chapter entitled “Waging Identity Wars” forced me to confront some of the reasons why I can be cruel and dismissive toward conservative evangelicals (“…when we’re suffering an identity crisis, we take cheap shots at other groups in order to feel better about ourselves”) and how to move forward (“…we must affirm who we really are as the people of God before we can begin to interact with each other as the people of God.”) 

But perhaps the most important chapter was the one on cross-cultural interactions, particularly Cleveland’s perspective on the importance of confronting power differentials, which she wisely inserts near the end of the book, after she has long gained the respect and trust of the reader. 

“This is a tall order that requires a real and fierce conversation on the elephant in the church: privilege and power differentials” she writes. “For some reasons, high status people (in my experience, particularly white men) have a hard time seeing and admitting that they are in fact high-status people. Even more troubling, I’ve found that many white male pastors and seminary students have an even harder time admitting that these privilege and power issues exist in the church and are even perpetuated by the church.” (p. 166) 

My only critique is that Cleveland didn’t spend more time on this particular topic, which I believe is a pressing one in the Church today. Maybe she'll devote her next book to it. 

Disunity in Christis an excellent read for all Christians, but especially church leaders who are serious about engaging in healthier dialog with Christians of other traditions, perspectives, and cultures and working toward reconciliation.  I recommend buying two copies: one for yourself and one for your pastor. 

Best of all, something tells me we’ll be hearing a lot more from Christena Cleveland in the years to come…and that makes me really, really hopeful. 

Photo, (used with permission), by the amazingly talented Courtney Perry 

Today we celebrate the 80th birthday of a true woman of valor—Phyllis Tickle. 

So much could be said about the impact this woman has had on American Christianity. From her work as a religion editor at Publishers Weekly, to her expansive writing and lecturing career, to her The Divine Hours series, Phyllis has a remarkable ability to speak wisely and prophetically about the future of Christianity while remaining joyfully rooted in its past. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and working with Phyllis, and she is truly one of the most encouraging people I’ve ever met, always quick to offer a kind word or compliment, always eager to cheer fellow writers on. 

But when I think about the biggest impact Phyllis has had on my life, it must certainly be through her prayer books. 

The Divine Hours came to me at a time in life when I was wrestling with such unrelenting and severe doubts that I struggled to pray. The discipline of fixed-hour prayer gave me the words I just couldn’t conjure on my own, words that connected me to the ancient, worldwide church. Phyllis’ contemporary breviary was perfect for a newbie like me, and I continue to use The Divine Hours, especially during Lent. 

Phyllis Tickle changed how I pray, and I am so grateful for that. 

So here’s to Phyllis! – a true woman of valor. Happy 80th birthday! We wish  you many more. 

(Note: In honor of her 50 year career, a group of notable Christian figures put together a series of essays in honor of Phyllis, which you can check out here. Also, be sure to check out the rest of Phyllis’ work, especially The Divine Hours, The Great Emergence, and Age of the Spirit.)  

***

So, how has the work of Phyllis Tickle impacted you? 

"On the day that the intelligence and talents of women are fully honored and employed, the human community and the planet itself will benefit in ways we can only begin to imagine."

- Anita Diamant

One of the advantages of the Information Age is that the Internet has provided a platform from which those typically marginalized by the Church can speak and be heard. As a woman whose opportunities for Christian leadership were severely limited by the conservative evangelical culture in which I was raised, blogging has given me a voice and a reach I would not have otherwise had, and I am so grateful for that. 

Sadly, when many of these marginalized people step up to the virtual mic to tell their stories, they recount harrowing encounters with abuse in a religious environment. 

Over the past few months, the whistle-blowing website, Recovering Grace, has given voice to 34 women who say there were sexually harassed or molested by Bill Gothard or someone in his conservative, homeschool-based ministry. Gothard resigned from his ministry earlier this month. 

While such abuse once thrived in the darkness of secrecy, silencing, and cover-ups, the Internet Age has helped shine a light on the problem of abuse not only in the Catholic Church but also among evangelical churches and ministries. Survivors have spoken out about pervasive abuse or sexual misconduct situations with Sovereign Grace Ministries, Vision Forum, Jesus People USA, the Bill Gothard Ministry, Bob Jones University, Patrick Henry College, Pensacola Christian College, and several missions organizations. 

My evangelical brothers and sisters, we have an abuse problem and we need to talk about it.  Talking about it does far less damage to Christ's reputation in the world than covering it up.

Now obviously, abuse is a result of sin and no denomination or community is immune to sin’s effects, but we do see a trend in which most of the organizations facing scrutiny over abuse and sexual misconduct charges of late are characterized by authoritarian, patriarchal leadership and by cultures that routinely silence the voices of women. 

So the point I want to make today is not that all who subscribe to patriarchy are abusive, but that patriarchy in a religious environment, just as in any environment, has a negative effect on the whole community and creates a cultural climate more susceptible to abuse than one characterized by mutuality and shared leadership between men and women. 

Christian Patriarchy 

Christian patriarchy (a variation of which is called complementarianism) relies on the strange contradiction that God created gender complementarity for His glory and for the good of the world, but that such complementarity must be dispensed of when it comes to the life of the church, where men hold exclusive and total authority over the congregation. In this scheme, the Church is said to have a necessary “masculine feel,” and church leaders are warned to avoid the “effeminizing of the church” at all costs. Men alone are hold pastoral offices or leadership positions, and in the most strict patriarchal communities, fathers are given unilateral authority over their families. 

Christian patriarchy is often illustrated as a series of umbrellas in which the male leadership of the church holds authority over the male leaders of their homes who hold authority of the women and children at the bottom of the hierarchy.  

This authority structure is typically described as a series of “coverings” or “protections” but unfortunately, the effect is often the opposite, as abused women and children find they have no recourse or power, as every decision in their lives must be made by a series of men, many of whom are more invested in protecting the reputation of the ministry than the people in it. 

Having talked at length with survivors of abuse in a Christian environment, I hear similar themes repeated over and over again. They speak of church cultures that treated women’s bodies as inherently problematic and seductive, that assigned a woman’s worth to her sexual purity or procreative prowess, that questioned women’s ability to think rationally or make decisions without the leadership of men, that blamed victims of sexual abuse for inviting the abuse or tempting the abuser, that shamed women who did not “joyfully submit” to their husband and find contentment in their roles as helpers and homemakers, and that effectively silenced victims of abuse by telling women and children that reporting the crime would reflect poorly on the church and thus damage the reputation of Christ. These women describe an environment of fear in which they learned to distrust their own instincts and desires, which made it hard to report, or even acknowledge, the abuse. 

“There were rumors going around about Bill and me,” recalls Charlotte, a woman who was allegedly molested by Bill Gothard. “My brother started hearing things and asked me about it. Of course I denied everything. Bill had sworn me to silence with both guilt and fear. I was the one who was at fault because I was tempting him. If I told anyone, the future of the entire ministry could be compromised. Why would I want to hinder God’s work? He told me that this was our little secret, just between us. If I told anyone, he said he would kick my family out of ATI.”

Young women in Gothard’s ministry underwent in-house counseling for abuse in which they were asked to identify the cause of their “defrauding,” with the options of “immodest dress,” “indecent exposure,” “being out from protection of parents,” and “being with evil friends.”  

Similarly, several leaders of Sovereign Grace Ministries were named in a class-action lawsuit alleging they failed to report multiple cases of child sex abuse within the ministry, urging the children who had been abused to “reconcile” with their abusers and counseling the abusers on how to avoid investigation and arrest.  Survivors say they were forced to meet and forgive the accused, and pastors failed to notify other families-- so the perpetrators went on to prey on other children. Despite multiple reports of abuse, and repeated efforts to dodge investigation by appealing to “religious freedom,” Sovereign Grace ministries has enjoyed the unwavering support of John Piper, Al Mohler and the Southern Baptist Convention, Tim Challies, and other Reformed leaders. 

Those who subscribe to Christian patriarchy often argue that the examples cited above represent a corruption of patriarchy, which is an inherently good system.  But I would like to argue today that the best way forward is not to simply improve patriarchy within our churches but to get rid of it entirely because 1) patriarchy doesn’t work and 2) the Kingdom functions best when men and women work together as equal partners.

Patriarchy doesn’t work

The author of Genesis tells a story of creation that presents the first man and woman as true partners.  Both are created in the image of God, and both are charged with tending to the earth God has made. As J.R. Daniel Kirk puts it so wisely in his article,“Imaging the Biblical God”: 

“To bear the image of God is to be the person whom God has entrusted to rule the world on God’s behalf. The purpose of humanity, ‘Let them rule the world on our behalf,; is inseparable from the categorization of these creatures as those made ‘in the image of God.’ In other words: it is not merely as humans that we reflect God together as male and female, but as those who rule over the world as male and female we bear the image of God. The kind of rule God has in mind is not a ‘masculine’ rule, but a masculine plus feminine, male plus female, rule. Only this kind of shared participation in representing God’s reign to the world is capable of doing justice to the God whose image we bear.”
 

(Note: Patriarchalists often argue that the reference to woman being created as man’s “helper” in Genesis reflects her subordinate status. But the compound word for “helper” here— ezer kenegdo–suggests a sort of military ally, or a partner in a difficult task, and is most often used in Scripture to describe God, who is not generally regarded by patriarchalists as a subordinate.)

It is within the context of judgment, not creation, that hierarchy and subjugation enter the Bible’s story of man and woman. 

“Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you.” 

Where there was once mutuality, sin brought subjugation. Where there was once harmony, sin initiated a power-struggle.  The writer of the Genesis, who undoubtedly had observed this power-struggle in his own world, calls it for what it is: a tragedy, an example of our collective brokenness and our desperate need for redemption. 

We can observe the effects of this sin in our world today. 

Study after study shows that societies characterized by the subjugation of women are more violent, more impoverished, and more unjust than societies that empower women.  

In their excellent book Half the Sky, Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn argue that “in this century the paramount moral challenge will be the struggle for gender equality in the developing world.”   Empowering women increases economic productivity, reduces infant mortality, contributes to overall improved health and nutrition, and increases the chances of education for the next generation. Several studies from UNICEF suggest that when women are given control over the family spending, more of the money gets devoted to education, medical care, and small business endeavors than when men control the purse strings. Similarly, when women vote and hold political office, public spending on health increases and child mortality rate declines. Furthermore, surveys show that couples who describe their marriage as “egalitarian” are more likely to classify it as a happy one than those who describe their marriage as “traditional.” 

So why wouldn’t the same hold true for the Church?

If more patriarchal cultures tend to suffer and more egalitarian cultures tend to thrive, might that indicate that shared rule—like that of Eden—is preferable to male rule?  Might that suggest that the Church isn’t meant to be exclusively masculine, but reflective of all of its participants? 

Might that suggest that men need women not as subordinates but as partners? 

Those who subscribe to Christian patriarchy insist that patriarchy is counter-cultural, and that advocates of mutuality are simply capitulating to culture. But patriarchy itself is a cultural system. And systems that reflect the values and dreams of only half of God's human creation, (only half of God's image!) are broken. They don’t work. And as such, they create environments more susceptible to abuse and exploitation. 

Equal Partnership 

It was no accident that the first person charged with spreading the good news of Christ’s resurrection was a woman.  Despite the fact that, by virtue of being a woman she would have been considered an unreliable witness whose testimony wouldn’t hold up in court, Mary Magdalene is charged with telling the world that Jesus Christ rose from the dead.  Talk about counter-cultural! 

That’s because Jesus changes everything. With the resurrection of Jesus, and the inauguration of his Kingdom, the entire world is being made over.  The curse has been reversed. The old things have passed away, and “behold, new things have come"!

To participate in the Kingdom of Jesus is to participate in a whole new “system,” a whole new mode of being, in which the last is first and the first is last. Is it any wonder, then, that the early church included female apostles, deacons, teachers, and church planters and that the women are described as teaching, leading, prophesying, serving, and financing? (The specific instructions in 1 Timothy 2:11-12 to women in the Ephesian church are an exception to the rule.) Is it any wonder that the early Church was ridiculed by pagan outsiders for being too effeminate? Is it any wonder that Peter and Paul’s version of the Household Codes broke with tradition by instructing men and women, slaves and masters to “submit one to another.” Even in a patriarchal culture, the early Christians were doing things differently. 

“In your relationships with one another,” Paul wrote, “have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:5–8).  

This doesn’t sound like patriarchy to me.  This doesn’t sound like hierarchy, and power, and “he will rule over you.” It sounds like dignity, grace, peace, and love. It sounds like mutual respect, mutual leadership, mutual support, and mutual grace.  It sounds like Eden. 

Why on earth would we choose to live according to the curse when we have been invited to participate in a brand new kingdom? 

Conclusion 

All men and all women are different, (and, as we’re becoming increasingly aware, gender and sexuality can be expressed in a variety of ways), so it would be irresponsible to try and explain in great detail exactly why the Church  needs both feminine and masculine influences. 

But Scripture, experience, and a variety of data suggest that communities in which leadership and influence are shared by men and women are safer, happier, and more productive. They are less prone to abuse and safer for children. They are better at reflecting God’s image to the world. 

We’ve tried patriarchy, and as this slew of abuse reports reinforces, it doesn’t work.  The alternative is not, (as the patriarchalists warn), matriarchy. The alternative is partnership, mutuality, harmony. The alternative is the Kingdom. 

In conclusion... 

If you or your children are being abused, get help. If your church or school discourages you from reporting abuse to the police, do it anyway. There is nothing to be ashamed of.  (For much, much more on abuse in a church setting, as well as multiple resources for getting help and counseling, see our "Into the Light" series on this topic.) 

If you recognize some of your own experience in the stories of abuse above, or if the culture of your church is highly authoritarian and patriarchal, get out.  Find a faith community that respects the dignity and voice of women.

If you are a church leader or a church member who wants to ensure that your church is doing everything possible to prevent and respond to abuse in your community, consider enlisting the amazing organization, G.R.A.C.E. for help. 

See also: 

Into the Light: A Series on Abuse in the Church

"Is patriarchy really God's dream for the world?"

Mutuality 2012 Series

"The abusive theology of deserved tragedy"